


Long Way Home

by orangina



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Germany, M/M, Slow Build, Travel, United States
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-09 01:42:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4328922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangina/pseuds/orangina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benni is going to America and staying with a host family for two weeks. It takes less than two weeks for him to develop a crush on his host brother Mats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arrival

**SUNDAY**

 

“Benni, food.”

A hard nudge to the shoulder caught Benni’s attention. Slowly, he took out his earbuds and pulled off the eye mask provided by the airline. The flight attendants were making their rounds and delivering trays to everyone. Thomas had already stuffed an entire roll into his mouth by the time Benni had received and evaluated his tray. In addition to the roll, there was a small square of butter, yogurt, a cup of orange juice and a few cookies. Everything was wrapped up individually. Even the juice was packaged with an aluminum lid.

“Are you gonna eat that?” Thomas asked.

Benni shook his head; airplane food always raised his caution, even if it was something as simple as rolls and juice. “No. You can have it.”

Thomas took the tray without another word and started on Benni’s portion as if his own had never existed. Benni felt the corners of his mouth stretch into a smile at the sight of his new friend; they’d known each other for little more than twelve hours, yet Benni could already tell that Thomas probably wouldn’t shut his excessively active mouth the entire trip. While Benni lived in North Rhine-Westphalia, Thomas was a full-blooded Bavarian. The ten teengers participating in the exchange came from all different parts of Germany, meeting up with their chaperone at Flughafen Frankfurt am Main to fly to Washington, D.C., where they would be staying with host families for just shy of two weeks before they headed off to New York City for their final days in America. The program was open to anyone ages 15-18 who spoke decent English and was interested in living with an American family while also touring the city and devoting some hours to volunteering.

It still hadn’t really hit Benni that he was actually going to America. Adrenaline from the excitement of travelling rushed through him and kept him alert despite the six hour time lapse and lack of sleep.

The chaperone, Herr Löw, stood up to address all of the German teenagers. “Everyone should eat something as it may be a while before we get through customs and meet our host families. Now would also be a good time to use the restroom before we begin the descent.”

Herr Löw was right. Especially since Benni had hardly a bite to eat today, due to both the nervous energy in his stomach and his tendency to avoid airport food. Reluctantly, he got his tray back from Thomas -- with some resistance -- and nibbled at the yogurt.

Thomas’ eyes shone with excitement and he was squirming around in his seat. “Are you excited? I can’t wait to meet my host family. I wonder what their house will be like. Do you think it’ll be really big? And do you think they’ll feed me when we get there? I’m so hungry.”

“I noticed that,” Benni said. Thomas ignored him and rambled on.

“You’re so lucky though, I wish my family had a teenager like yours does. They only have a six year old, but they also have lots of pets. Two dogs, two guinea pigs and some canaries to be exact. I’m still really excited though, I mean, just to see what everything is like. Aren’t you?”

Benni’s stomach had jolted at the mention of Mats; he had almost forgotten about the son of his host family. He did feel lucky because he was one of only two from his group who’d been placed into a family with a teenager. He hoped he would get to attend an American high school.

Thomas continued to blabber away and Benni pretended to be listening. His eagerness didn’t show outwardly the way Thomas’ or Julian’s did; he was more subtle with his emotions. At the same time, it was hard to muster up enthusiasm when everything still felt surreal.

Their seats were in the center row, so he couldn’t see out the window. But maybe he would be able to crane his neck enough to catch a glimpse of America’s capital city as they landed.

 

* * *

 

It still hadn’t sunk in by the time they were through customs and approaching the exit to the main part of the airport. Benni’s luggage was weighing him down and he’d been sweating on and off all day. He was also mildly dehydrated and exhausted to the point where he wasn’t even feeling tired anymore. Had it not been for the constant ache in his shoulders from hauling his backpack around the airport, he could’ve thought he was dreaming.

Benni felt like he was walking down the red carpet. People looking for their friends and family amongst all the travellers leaving customs, hugs being exchanged, welcome signs being waved around. Benni made sure to stick close to his group, keeping his eyes glued to Julian so he wouldn’t get lost. A wide-eyed Thomas kept stepping on Benni’s heels, he was so close behind.

Eventually, the group of Germans escaped from the crowd into a quieter area of Dulles International. There they found the American host families waiting for them. Some of Benni’s fellow Germans recognized their hosts immediately, waving to Herr Löw before taking off.

“See you tomorrow, Benni!” Thomas called as he trotted off with his hosts. Julian smiled before he left, and a few of the girls said goodbye to Benni too. The group was dispersing and Benni still didn’t know who he was supposed to go home with.

“Benedikt?” an unfamiliar voice sounded.

Benni’s heart skipped. “Das bin ich,” he said.

The dark-haired boy who had spoken shot him a confused look, and that’s when Benni realized he had, per habit, responded in German. He was in America now and he had to remind himself that he needed to speak English. He was practically fluent in English as he had been taking it for the past nine years of his life. Still, he was painfully aware that he carried a heavy accent.

Benni cleared his throat and tried again, this time in a language the boy would understand. “Yes, I’m Benni.”

The boy smiled and held out his hand. It was a nice smile, Benni thought. A genuine one.

“I’m Mats. It’s so good to finally meet you.”

They shook hands, Benni grinning awkwardly in return while also suddenly quite aware of how unappealing he probably appeared at that moment. Mats didn’t seem to care or even notice, though.

After meeting Mats, Benni met his host parents, Mr. and Mrs. Hummels. The former shook his hand enthusiastically and the latter gave him a hug. They then asked him if he needed to exchange money to which Benni responded that he did. So he said goodbye to Herr Löw and followed his host family through the airport.

“Do you want me to carry something?”

Benni opened his mouth to answer, but Mats was already taking his suitcase.

“Thank you,” he said, greatly relieved.

“No problem.”

Benni trudged along with his backpack as Mats rolled the suitcase. Ten American $20 bills were withdrawn from the ATM and Benni inspected them before folding them into his wallet. The family made their way out to the vast parking lot, where they were greeted with a blast of steamy May air. Benni was extremely grateful to be inside the car, where at least the windows could be rolled down to create some circulation. One thing was for sure, and that was that he wasn’t used to this kind of heat. The first thing he did was peel off his hoodie, which in turn made his hair stick in every single direction except the way it was supposed to. Yep, for sure he needed to have a shower as soon as possible.

The chat for the first ten minutes of the ride was both pleasant and interesting. Benni learned that the family lived not in D.C., but in a suburb 15-20 minutes away from the city. He also learned about Target, Taco Bell, and the fact that Mats had nearly three months off school for his summer break.

“Would you like some water, Benedikt?” his host mom asked, evidently having noticed the deep flush on Benni’s cheeks from the mirror.

“Yes, please.”

She took a bottle from the cup holder and handed it to Benni, who downed three quarters of the thing without a breath.

Mr. Hummels turned on the radio when Mats suggested they listen to music. The conversation in the car faded out gradually and Benni looked out the window. There wasn’t much to see; they were only on the highway. They had highways in Germany. But at the same time, it was all just _different_ somehow. The scenery, the radio, the way his host family interacted... all of it impressed Benni. He was so far from home and everything was new, but also familiar. It was like looking at the mirrored version of a photograph; it’s both the same and different. That’s what was the most fascinating to Benni. He had to keep reminding himself that he was sitting in a car with an American family, on his way to his temporary home in a new continent, because it was not blatantly obvious to Benni’s senses. It was a difficult feeling to explain, an enigma, but a strangely satisfying one.

 

* * *

 

The Hummels house was different from Benni’s in that it took up more horizontal than vertical space; there were more than twice as many rooms on the first floor than in Benni’s house. In between each house on the block stood enough space for a car to drive through.

Sprawling. That’s the word his teacher had used to describe America. The cities spilled into suburbs and exurbs and country with no fine definition between anything. Everything was huge, and reasonably so as the country contained so much land. At home, Benni could drive ten minutes from home and see nothing but empty farmland. Here, as Mr. Hummels explained, you’d need to get out at least two hours to be even remotely isolated.

Dinner was hamburgers. They were thicker and fatter than any hamburger Benni had ever eaten. He dressed his with tomatoes, lettuce, and mayonnaise, and made it through about half the thing before he felt stuffed and bloated. He tried to continue taking tiny bites to be polite, but his acting wasn’t very effective.

“You don’t have to eat anything you don’t like,” Mats said, meaning it.

“No,” Benni said quickly. “I do like it. It’s just... I’m not that hungry.” Which was true. At least not for something as heavy as a burger. At home, he’d be having _Käsebrot_ for dinner.

The next few minutes were spent explaining to Benni that this was his home now, and to please make himself comfortable and to ask for anything he needed or wanted.

 

* * *

 

After dinner, Mats insisted on carrying Benni’s bags upstairs and into the guest room.

“And you can use whichever bathroom you want. I use the one up here and my parents use the one downstairs by their room,” he said as he set Benni’s bags down.

“Okay,” Benni said. He felt like he’d already said ‘okay’ a thousand times this evening and really wished he had a more insightful response.

Mats leaned against the dresser and turned to face Benni. “You want to do anything now? Or if you’re tired you can sleep.”

The mention of sleep made Benni yawn. He imagined climbing underneath the cool sheets and shutting his eyes after a nice shower…But going to sleep straight away would be lame, so he went with, “can we maybe go for a walk?”

Mats chuckled as he leaned over to brush something off his jeans. “You sure? You look pretty worn out. It’s fine if you just want to sleep.”

Benni blushed. His hand moved automatically to his neck and his eyes darted around the room at their own accord, two things that always happened when he was nervous. Why would he be nervous though? There was nothing to be nervous about. His host family was extremely kind and welcoming and he had a comfortable place to stay. So what was the issue?

 

* * *

 

They did end up going for a walk. It was only around seven o’clock but already getting dark out, something which Benni was not used to during the summer. The neighborhood was nice -- a good balance between private and friendly, and it was still hard for Benni to process that he was currently thousands of kilometers from home even as he looked around in awe. There was a small shopping center with restaurants and a hardware store several blocks down. They stopped and greeted a few of Mats’ friends, Basti and Philipp, who were grabbing some candy from the convenience store. Basti gave a few pieces of the candy for Benni to try, and he liked it enough to go in and buy a pack for himself. Starbursts, they were called.

They went through a park that had woods and trails as well as fields and a playground. Mats and Benni chatted and walked for a long time, and Benni found himself growing more and more comfortable with Mats as the small talk and cultural comparisons evolved into more personal topics. By the time it was completely dark out, Benni had confessed to not being into girls.

“You ever had a boyfriend?”

“One. It didn’t end well.”

“Yeah?” Mats prompted, unsure of whether he should ask about it or not.

“Turns out he was never actually into me. He was just ‘experimenting with his sexuality’,” Benni said flatly.

“Oh, wow. That sucks. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“You’ll find someone one day,” Mats said. “I know this is the most cliché thing ever, but you just have to wait for the right person.”

“Yeah.”

Benni held out a yellow Starburst which Mats unwrapped and popped into his mouth. “Thanks.”

They were quiet for a while after that, and Benni took the time to collect his thoughts and realize that he really, really liked Mats. A lot. His heart swelled with warmth at the thought of staying with him and his family for two weeks.

“Should we head home now?” Mats asked after a pause.

“Sure.”

 

* * *

 

Benni couldn’t figure out the shower. He turned every knob and pressed every button. After five minutes, all he had accomplished was knocking over Mats’ shampoo bottle multiple times. Frustrated and feeling stupid, he wrapped a towel around his waist and knocked on Mats’ bedroom door.

“Come in.”

Benni opened the door. “Um.”

Mats looked up from the textbook he’d be flipping through. He was lounging across his bed, a pair of glasses on, a notebook propped up on his legs and his phone sitting on the mattress with music coming out of it. Pausing the music, he watched Benni expectantly.

Benni swallowed. All the amity he’d built up with Mats on the walk melted away in an instant. It felt like his throat was made of carpet. He really, _really_ shouldn’t have come in here with only a towel on. Not only did he feel exposed, but it wasn’t very considerate of him as he was a guest.

“Everything good?” Mats finally asked, taking note of Benni’s fluster.

“Sorry. Yeah...uh, can you show me how to turn on the shower?” Benni said stupidly, blush seeping to his cheeks.

“Sure,” Mats replied with a reassuring smile.

Benni followed Mats back to the bathroom where the latter explained how to make it hotter and colder and turn the water from a bath to a shower. After the demonstration, Mats went on to assure Benni that he could use any of the products that were in there, which simply made Benni blush even more as he nodded.

“Hey, relax. No one’s going to bite you.” Mats studied him carefully.

Benni took his lip between his teeth. All he really wanted right now was some privacy so he could get himself together.

“Have a nice shower.” Mats smirked before he left the bathroom. His eyes swept briefly over Benni’s bare chest before he closed the door, yet long enough to cause a wave of heat to run through Benni.

Benni couldn’t deny it to himself any longer; he was crushing on his American host brother.


	2. The First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benni spends his first day in the city of Washington, D.C.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments on the first chapter! It really encourages me to keep going with this so I hope you like this second chapter.
> 
> Also wanted to note that if two Germans are speaking to each other, they are obviously speaking in German, not English.
> 
> P.S. Yes I already changed the title of this fic, sorry XD

**MONDAY**

 

With a refreshing shower and plenty of sleep, Benni’s exhaustion from travelling nearly a full day had subsided by the following morning. He had to meet his German group at the Smithsonian Metro stop from which they would begin a tour of Washington monuments and memorials. He got dressed and ready then went downstairs, not really sure what would be going on down there but eager to find out. He felt different today, more confident and less confused.

“Good morning,” he said cheerfully as he entered the kitchen, where Mats was sitting at the table with his phone and a bowl of cereal, looking even more handsome than Benni had remembered him.

Mats looked up and finished chewing. “Morning, Benedikt. Did you sleep alright?”

“Oh, yes.”

“Would you like some breakfast?”

“Please.” He had fully regained his normal appetite.

“Help yourself to anything. We have eggs, bagels, cereal, leftovers--”

“Leftovers?” Benni asked, perplexed.

“Hamburgers,” Mats explained as if eating hamburgers for breakfast was a regular occurrence.

“Ah. Okay. Um…” Benni looked around the kitchen, hoping that would help him make a decision. At home, the only decision he had to make for breakfast was what to put on his bread. By the time he stumbled downstairs, his parents already had everything spread out on the table: cold cuts, cheese, marmelade, butter, Nutella, and the rolls. He wasn’t use to this sort of freedom when it came to breakfast. It was the same deal for dinner.

Mats noticed Benni’s stump. “How about I make you something while you go upstairs and change into shorts? You’re going to boil in those jeans, trust me.”

Benni frowned. He’d checked the weather and confirmed that jeans were the way to go. “But--”

“It’s humid as fuck, Benedikt. Welcome to D.C.”

 

* * *

 

Benni enjoyed very much the breakfast Mats prepared for him, and not only because it was Mats who had made it. The food itself was delicious: a fried egg on a toasted bagel with cream cheese and ham. To Benni’s pleasant surprise, Mats had also packed him a lunch.

“You don’t have to eat it. There’ll be plenty of vendors and restaurants. But if you get hungry and don’t feel like spending money…” he handed the paper brown bag to Benni.

“Thank you,” Benni replied as he tucked it away in his backpack. He had every intention on eating it. There would be other opportunities to eat out.

“Oh, and water…” Mats took the same bottle that Benni had drank from in the car last night and filled it up in the sink.

Benni blinked. He always drank Vittel back in Germany, never water from the tap, but he trusted Mats and took the bottle gratefully. Besides, it wasn’t nearly enough to last the whole day so he would have an excuse to buy more if he didn’t like the taste of it.

Mats had school and to Benni’s mild disappointment couldn’t go with him to the city, so Benni thanked him for breakfast and they said goodbye.

“Have a great day, Benedikt!” Mrs. Hummels called from somewhere in the house before Benni and Mr. Hummels, who was escorting Benni to Smithsonian on his way to work, were out the door.

The walk to the Metro took about ten minutes. Fortunately, it was a pretty straight shot from the house so Benni would most likely be able to get back from the station by himself if need be.

Mr. Hummels handed Benni a SmarTrip card before they descended to the station. He swiped his card and went through the barrier that opened. The map and routes were simple compared to other Metro systems Benni had seen, but the station itself was huge. Benni looked at the screen; trains were running every minute. Because of how many trains were running, he was surprised when the next one that arrived was packed. How they managed to squeeze in before the doors shut was a mystery.

“Morning rush hour,” Mr. Hummels explained. “I usually take my bike.”

Benni nodded as he surveyed the car. Despite its size and the number of seats, most of the people were standing and the majority of them were in suits.

“And on the weekends is it this crowded, as well?” he asked.

“Not as much. That’s why they do track work on the weekends. Trains run every twenty minutes on Saturday and Sunday, unless there’s a special events or a baseball game. The Green Line gets pretty packed when the Nats are playing. Washington loves baseball.”

Baseball. America’s pastime. Benni wondered if his host family would take him to a game...

He met his group up on arrival outside the Metro station. Mr. Hummels asked Benni if he wanted to be taken home as well, but Benni knew that meant his host father would have to leave work early, so he declined even though the idea of going all the way back by himself made him a little nervous. He wasn’t stupid, after all; he could read the Metro map and walk ten minutes down the main road to get home. He wouldn’t even need to transfer trains.

They shook hands and Mr. Hummels told him to have fun before he left.

 

* * *

 

Benni was glad that Mats had suggested he change into shorts because he was already hot and the tour hadn’t even begun yet. Half of his water was already gone, too.

Before the group tour, the German teenagers were instructed to split into three groups for a guided scavenger hunt -- the winning group would receive a prize. At the mention of this, Thomas grabbed Benni’s wrist and yanked him so aggressively that he was certain he had dislocated his shoulder.

“Quick, who else should we have in our group?” Thomas asked with great urgency.

Benni rubbed his shoulder as he looked around dazedly at their peers. “Um…”

But Thomas had already rounded up Manuel and seemed satisfied with his recruitment.

Herr Löw gave each group a sheet of paper with directions and questions they needed to answer. Benni, Thomas, and Manuel were the last group to be dismissed and were already disagreeing before they even left.

Thomas was currently talking, his hands shooting in every which directions. “I _see_ the Washington Monument from here? Do you not see it? It’s literally _right_ there. The directions are a ploy to slow us down, we need to go straight there and--”

“Yes, but there are things along the way we need to find so we can’t just _skip over_ everything. Why do you think they staggered us leaving? Because it’s not about speed, it’s about _accuracy_. Duh,” Manuel pointed out.

Benni just rolled his eyes.

 

* * *

 

Their directions took them across the National Mall, through the Lincoln Memorial and World War II Memorial, and finally to the Washington Monument. Since Manuel and Thomas were highly concerned about winning the prize, they focused primarily on the questions while Benni took pictures and awed at everything around him.

The views were marvelous, the pool of water stretching all the way across the mall reflected the foliage and clouds, and all the white landmarks and fountains standing proud against the sky. People speaking all different languages and food of every sort, cars and buses and cyclists weaving between anything they could as they had no lane for themselves. What impressed Benni the most was how pristine it was for a city. Benni snagged Thomas’ attention for one moment in order to capture a shot of him with the Mall and Monument behind him.

The scavenger hunt was going well. Benni was so happy to finally be here after months of plans, applications and the whole day of travelling, that Mats completely slipped from his mind. He just wanted to enjoy being there in the moments between photos. Putting his phone back in his pocket after a shot of the U.S. Capitol in the distance, he turned around to find Manuel and Thomas in order to continue.

They were gone. It took Benni about five seconds to begin panicking. Not only was he generally not very good at keeping calm when he was agitated, he also had no idea where he was or how to get back. And Thomas and Manuel had the sheet with the directions on which way to turn and where the meeting point was.

His heart raced and his body weakened with alarm. _Think,_ he told himself.

Did he know how to get back to the Metro station, from which he knew how to get home? No. So that solution was out of the question.

Could he try to make it to the meeting point? No, because he hadn’t checked what it was. He’d been blindly following the other two boys while they used the sheet as a guide.

Benni clenched his fists. He was angry at Thomas and Manuel. Why would they leave without checking that he was with them? But he was also angry at himself. If only he could’ve stopped taking stupid pictures and actually paid attention to what was going on.

_Think. Think. Think._

Okay, they couldn’t be too far. They had all been together literally three minutes ago. Clutching the straps of his backpack for something to hold on to, Benni took off in the first direction that beckoned to him and kept his eyes open for a thin mousy-haired boy and his bold blond companion.

 

* * *

 

Twenty minutes later and it was clear that all Benni had accomplished was 1) getting himself even more lost than he was before, and 2) draining himself completely of any motivation and hope he had.

He sat down on a low wall and dug through his backpack for what was left of his water. Still unsatisfied, he took a few bites of the apple Mats had packed him in hope that the fruit juice would soothe his thirst. The rest he wrapped up in a napkin and put away. He was in no mood to eat anything right now.

He looked at his watch. It was five minutes past the time everyone was supposed to have regrouped. The good news: at least someone would have figured out Benni was lost by now. The bad news: finding him would be quite the challenge, seeing as he had no phone service.

Benni squeezed his eyes shut. How could he have let this happen to himself, and on the very first morning too? What a great ambassador for the program he was.

He took in deep breaths and tried to think rationally. He was not going to die. He had food and money and someone would find him eventually, whether it be Herr Löw, an American chaperone or the police. Additionally, this part of the city seemed to consist mainly of families and tourists, not anyone out to cause harm. And at least he had a nice view.

It was getting hotter and Benni was incredibly thirsty. Wiping the sweat from his forehead, Benni looked around for any vendors selling drinks and spotted something he never saw in Germany: a water fountain. It was situated outside a building which contained restrooms. Relieved, he stood up and went to refill his bottle.

 

* * *

 

A new plan was put into action. Benni decided that he would wander around until he found either one of two things: free wi-fi so he could contact someone or a Metro station. And if worst came to worst, he would ask one of the many moms with young children if he could borrow a cell phone. But before he resorted to that, he was eager to get out of this situation by himself.

“Benni!”

The voice was coming from behind him. His chest fluttered with immense relief; it had never felt better to hear his name being called.

“Benni! Benni, oh my god!”

The voice was closer this time. Turning around, Benni saw his friend Thomas running towards him. They met and Thomas flung his arms tightly around Benni.

“Benni, I’m so sorry! I thought you were still with us!”

“Thomas, I--”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! No one knew where you were, oh my god, I was so worried that you’d been kidnapped or someth--”

“Thomas--”

“I love you! In case I never get to say it again, I love y--”

“THOMAS! Ican’tbreathepleaseletmego--”

Thomas leapt away, his eyes shooting wide open. “Oh, sorry.”

For a moment, the two boys simply stood there looking at each other. Benni massaged his ribcage, which had been relentlessly smashed by Thomas’, and smiled sheepishly.

“I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?” Thomas pouted, looking utterly heartbroken.

Benni nodded. “Yes. It wasn’t too bad, I promise. Thank you for finding me.” He was actually glad he’d been found sooner rather than later. Had it been sooner, he still would’ve been a panicky, embarrassing mess but this way he had had plenty of time to calm down and think reasonably.

Thomas hugged Benni again, this time making sure to be gentle and Benni returned the favor. So it be two German friends standing in the middle of the sidewalk in downtown Washington, DC, wrapped in each other’s sweaty arms.

 

* * *

 

Herr Löw was not as thrilled to see Benni as Thomas had been. He and a couple American chaperones had followed close behind Thomas, and Herr Löw, while relieved himself, scolded Benni for not following directions and not remaining with his group.

“You’re lucky Mr. Müller here was able to find you,” he said seriously.

“Oh, it was easy because I knew where we separated and I knew he would’ve gone to where all the bathrooms and food were,” Thomas chimed in.

Benni chose not to mention that there had been no reasoning whatsoever behind his choice in direction and just went with the story.

Herr Löw softened a little after that, which paved the way for Benni to feel embarrassed. He was _that_ guy, that’s who he was. He apologized repeatedly to all the American chaperones, who brushed him off and said that they should’ve planned better. Benni felt even more terrible; if for the remainder of the trip they didn’t get to do anything without being monitored like hawks by the chaperones, it would be totally his fault. One thing was for sure, and that was that Benni was going to keep his little escapade a secret from Mats.

 

* * *

 

They stopped to have lunch a little later. Benni unpacked his brown bag while the others went to vendors. In addition to the apple, Mats had put in a sandwich with peanut butter and jelly, a bag of potato chips, some Goldfish crackers and a Snickers bar, which was mostly melted but still tasty. The best thing that Benni found in the bag, however, was a napkin with writing on it: 

> _Thought I’d embarrass you by writing this. Ha ha. Hope you’re having fun :)_
> 
> _-mats_

Benni shoved the napkin back into the bag and bit back a giddy grin. Yes, he was embarrassed, but mainly for Mats because it was such a lame thing to do. Sweet too, though.

The winners of the scavenger hunt were presented after everyone had finished eating. It turned out to not be Benni’s group, but a group of girls. They each won a mini snow globe of the White House.

“That’s the dumbest prize I’ve ever seen,” Thomas said grumpily.

“Oh, shut up. You’re just mad that we didn’t win,” Manuel said.

Thomas poked Manuel in the chest. “It’s _your_ fault.”

“Alright, sure, Mr. ‘this is a ploy and they’re trying to trick us so I have a better plan’,” laughed Manuel.

Thomas flipped him off and stalked away to go sit with Julian.

 

* * *

 

For the afternoon they had a guided tour inside several of the memorials and monuments they had skimmed during the scavenger hunt so they could learn about their history.

When the tour was finished, it was nearly three and time to return with their host families. They returned to the same Metro station where they had gathered that morning and Herr Löw reminded everyone when and where to meet tomorrow and also to please make sure to follow directions and always be with at least one other person. Several glances went toward Benni’s direction and a few giggles rose. Benni suddenly found his feet to be very interesting.

Despite their agreement that Benni could make it back to the house on his own, Mr. Hummels showed up at the Metro station, claiming that he had decided to take the afternoon off. That wasn’t the real reason however, as Benni was soon to discover when his host dad asked, “how was your day? You didn’t get lost, did you?”

Benni’s mouth dropped open stupidly. How did he _know_? Was that a joke? Well, he’d obviously found out somehow and figured that Benni was unfit to make it home by himself.

His host dad smiled slightly at the look on Benni’s face. “I heard what happened. You don’t seem too traumatized, though. Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m fine,” Benni said, reddening all over again. Couldn’t they just drop it? He was perfectly fine.

Luckily, Mr. Hummels changed the subject after that, not wanting to embarrass the poor boy any further. He asked Benni about his day and everything he’d seen and was pleased to hear that Benni had had a good time overall.

 

* * *

 

Mats thought it was hilarious that Benni had gotten lost on his very first day in the city.

“How? Like, how? You meeting point was literally the tallest thing in the sky!” Mats marveled.

“I don’t even know,” Benni replied miserably, though he too was laughing at his misfortune because okay, maybe it was a little bit funny.

After Mats had finished laughing at him, he produced a map and opened it on the table. “Here, let me show you where you went.”

So while Mrs. Hummels cooked the rice and chicken for dinner, Mats explained the map to Benni and marked up all the Metro stations and museums that the group would likely visit. Benni read off his itinerary to Mats so he’d know what to look for and as they studied the map together, their heads were so close that Benni could almost feel Mats’ curls tickling his cheek.

Finally, Mats pulled away and folded the map up again. “Now don’t lose it. We wouldn’t want to lose you again, would we?”

“No, we wouldn’t,” Benni agreed. But he was more focused on how much he had enjoyed Mats’ proximity to him moments ago and how much he wanted to experience it again.

Before Mats handed the map over, he hit Benni playfully with it.

“Hey,” Benni said, not really offended but knowing he should pretend to be. The fact that he was smiling didn’t really help, though.

Mats looked pleased with himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, we'll start seeing some more Hömmels very soon ;)
> 
> Thank you to Bia, who has been a wonderful beta and is helping me improve both this fic and my writing.


	3. A Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benni goes to school with Mats. Later that day, Mats has a treat for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI. I know it's been soooooo long since I last updated, but this story is back and I promise I will post regularly from now on! I have written the entire story, it just needs to be edited.
> 
> Anyway, here is a quick summary of what has happened previously in case you forgot and don't want to go back:
> 
> Chapter 1: Benni arrives in Washington, DC after a long and tiring voyage from Germany. He eats dinner and goes for a walk with his host brother, Mats, who is extremely kind and even more so charming to Benni's eyes.  
> Chapter 2: Benni gets lost during his very first day in the city, and his friend Thomas eventually finds him. When Benni gets home that day, Mats teases him but shows him a map so he will be safe in the future.

**FRIDAY**

 

“Hey, do you wanna come to school with me today?”

That was how Mats greeted Benni when he came downstairs on Friday morning, nearly a full week after Benni’s Sunday arrival. By now he had seen more than his fair share of museums and memorials, made sandwiches for the homeless, boated on the Potomac River, hiked and seen nature in one of the many regional parks of Virginia and lots more. He now could take the Metro into the city and come home on his own every day. He also had found a second family within the Hummels household.

The answer to the question was yes. Of course Benni wanted to go to school with Mats. The only problem was that he was supposed to be visiting the U.S. Capitol today and Herr Löw would be decidedly displeased to discover Benedikt Höwedes missing for the second time in one week.

“The Capitol tour is boring as hell, trust me. I had to go my sophomore year for government. My dad already called and asked if it was okay,” Mats said knowledgeably.

“Really?”

“Yep. We can go to the Capitol this weekend if you really want to go, but--”

“No. It’s okay. I’d love to go to school with you,” Benni said nonchalantly as he fished through the cabinets for breakfast as if it were his own home. But on the inside, he was screaming _yes yes yes yes yes yes yes YES!!!_

“So although you look awfully dapper in that suit, you can change now because there’s no need to dress up for my pig pen of a high school,” Mats said with a lopsided grin.

The box of oatmeal packets that Benni had been extracting from the cabinet toppled over onto the counter. He stepped back quickly and folded his arms, eyes darting around the kitchen to make sure that no one had seen that.

Over at the table, Mats was snorting into his orange juice.

 

* * *

 

Mats and Benni walked about twenty minutes to school, their arms brushing repeatedly but neither boy made any effort to apologize or move away.

“You know, I was being serious when I said you looked nice in your suit this morning. You did look, uh, really nice…”

Benni’s mouth went dry and he glanced over at Mats. For the first time, the other boy was avoiding eye contact and struggling for words.

“Sorry, I...I don’t know why I said that…” he mumbled.

Now, Benni considered himself to be fluent in English, but even a native speaker would’ve have trouble making out what Mats had just said. From the way it sounded, Benni concluded that Mats was mad at him for his blank reaction.

“Sorry?”

“Never mind. Forget what I said,” Mats said, tinges of pink pushing to make an appearance on his tan cheeks.

Benni rubbed his neck and took a sideways step away from his host brother. Why couldn’t he have just said ‘thank you’ and complimented Mats back, or even played it off as a joke? That’s what anyone else would’ve done, or at least anyone who wasn’t as damn clueless as Benni. Why did he have to go and be an idiot? Then this whole awkward thing wouldn’t have started and maybe, _maybe_ they would be flirting by now. _Way to go, Benedikt_.

“Mats? I didn’t understand, what was the second thing you said?”

Mats shook his head. “Forget it. So, I’m curious. What do you think my school’s gonna be like?”

 _‘Like a pig pen,’_ Benni wanted to say. But he didn’t because now probably wasn’t prime time for making jokes after he’d just totally messed everything up. So instead, he described the typical American coming of age movie to Mats, which did made the latter shake his head in amusement and the tension from the moments before faded.

Maybe being just friends was the best thing for them anyway, Benni thought. He’d be gone in less than two weeks time after all.

 

* * *

 

Like everything else that Benni had encountered in America so far, Mats’ school was huge and its enormity extended beyond the building itself. A football* stadium, a second practice field, a baseball field, an indoor swimming pool and a parking lot were just a few of the things that were part of the school. Each classroom was equipped with a SmartBoard, and laptops and iPads owned by the school system were widespread. Trophy cases lined the hallways and a snack bar stood outside the gymnasium; Benni assumed it was open during basketball games, selling nachos and pizza to the hundred of high schoolers in attendance.

Not only was the building itself different from Benni’s school, but the students’ attitudes were as well. Many of them looked as if they had just rolled out of bed and Benni saw several students who clearly were under the impression that the dress code did not apply to them. In class, they looked at their phones and had earbuds in while the teacher was talking, two things which Benni would never get away with in a million years at his school. This behavior was likely what Mats had been referring to when he described his school that morning.

In several of the classes he attended, the teacher asked Benni to introduce himself to the class, which he did. Some students seemed curious and went to chat with him during independent work time while others weren’t the slightest bit interested that there was a German exchange student joining them that day.

They ate lunch out on the football* field with Mats’ friends, including Basti and Philipp, all of whom welcome Benni into their group and asked him questions about his life, Germany, and the German soccer league. Yes, Benni had been to a game before. No, there hadn’t been a riot. No, he hadn’t been physically attacked by a fan of the opposite team. Yes, he had been foul mouthed a bit though.

“Do you play?” one of Mats’ friends asked.

“Yes,” Benni said.

A soccer ball was procured from somewhere and the group spent the rest of the lunch break kicking the ball around and shooting penalties on each other. Most of Mats’ friends were athletic, but only a couple of them played soccer so Benni took great liberty in showing off his fancy footwork to ~~Mats~~ the group.

When he looked over at Mats for approval, Mats gave him a nod and a thumbs up.

 

* * *

 

It had been a good day, but it wasn’t enough to forget about their awkward chat from that morning. When Benni and Mats arrived back home from school, they both went immediately to Mats’ room. Mats collapsed across the width of his bed with a satisfied huff and patted the area next to him for Benni to do the same. Benni lay on his back, staring up through Mats’ skylight.

Now was as good a time as ever to clear up the misunderstanding from earlier.

“Mats,” Benni said.

“Mhm.”

“I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable this morning.”

Mats paused. “I know.”

“I just…” _Be honest. You’re leaving in less than two weeks, it can’t hurt._ “I didn’t know if you were being serious or not.”

“I was. You did look nice.”

It took all of Benni’s concentration to avoid tensing his body. Mats had been nothing but kind to him these past two days, there was no need to tense up. “Thank you,” Benni said after a moment.

What he really wanted to do was compliment Mats back, but Mats had never worn a suit in his presence. He had no excuse.

“And Benedikt?”

“Yes.”

“You look really nice right now, too.”

Benni felt like his body had been inserted into an oven. He closed his eyes. _Oh._

The words hung in the air and Benni didn’t know what to say, partially because he thought he was dreaming and partially because, well, what are you supposed to say to something like that?

“So do you,” he finally spoke, but he still didn’t open his eyes because if he did, he might wake up from this dream.

 

* * *

 

“Take off your shirt, put your arms out and close your eyes,” Mats ordered.

“What?!”

“Come on, just do it. I have a surprise for you.” Mats shifted back and forth on his heels. He was hiding something behind his back.

So Benni did as he was told, curious as to what this ‘surprise’ that required him to take his shirt off would be. He put his shirt on Mats’ dresser and closed his eyes. Seconds later he felt something being pulled gently over his head.

“Arms out,” said Mats.

It was fairly painless to maneuver the t-shirt through Benni’s arms. Every time Mats’ hands made contact with Benni’s skin, however, Benni twitched. Even after Mats’ hands were gone he could still feel the light sensation on his skin.

Mats pulled the shirt down over Benni’s torso. But not before taking in the last view of the German boy’s form. Finally, he quickly changed his own shirt. “Okay, you can open them now.”

Benni opened his eyes to a proud-looking Mats standing before him. He was now dressed in a red t-shirt, a curly letter ‘W’ on the breast and Mats was wearing the same thing. Benni knew what it was, he had seen that symbol a countless number of times this past week. It was the logo of the Washington Nationals baseball team.

“So...would you want to go to the ballgame tonight?” Mats asked hopefully.

“Of course,” Benni replied with a grin.

 

* * *

 

Benni borrowed Mats’ dad’s bike and they set out for Nationals Park. The ride would take about 45 minutes, Mats said, but it was a nice downhill ride along the river.

“Which means the ride back will be all uphill, but we can Metro if you want,” he added.

Mats was correct; once they got to the river, the ride _was_ nice. Across the water, Benni could see some of the memorials he had visited. The only annoyance was the fact that the sun was reflecting off the water directly into his eyes; he squinted against it, keeping Mats in his vision in case he made a turn. Keeping one hand on the bike, he fished through his pocket for his phone and recorded a short video. He wanted to remember this.

 

* * *

 

When the boys got to the stadium, they left their bikes in the bike valet and went to purchase tickets.

“How much are they?” Benni asked as they stood in line, opening his wallet.

“Don’t worry about it. Are you hungry?”

“Don’t change the subject. How much are the tickets?” insisted Benni.

Mats sighed. “Just let me pay, alright? I want this to be my gift for you.”

“Fine,” Benni conceded and put his wallet away. While flattered, he did feel slightly guilty because Mats’ family had done so much for him this past week and all he had done was eat their food and take up space. He would need to do something to thank them before he left.

“So we have some time before the game starts. Do you want to go get something to eat? We could go to Bluejacket, they have wings and burgers and stuff like that,” Mats said.

Benni grimaced. Truthfully, he did not want to even see another burger for at least three months, he’d had so many this past week.

But it turned out that they couldn’t go to Bluejacket because the wait was too long. Their only other options were Five Guys Burgers & Fries, Subway, and Potbelly Sandwiches. So they agreed to skip the meal and just buy something in the park if they got too hungry.

To kill some time before the game started, Mats showed Benni the boardwalk along the Anacostia River next to the ballpark, which could be seen from some of the higher sections in the stadium. It ran off from the Potomac River, which was the one they had biked along and one of the major rivers of the larger region of Virginia. The other side of the Anacostia River, Mats said, was bad news.

“And this side was bad news too until they built the stadium. That drew everyone in, now it's more expensive,” Mats explained smartly.

As they made their way to the gates, Mats held onto Benni’s wrist so neither one of them would be swept away by the crowd and separated. Benni only wished that Mats would let his hand slide just a couple of inches down to wrap around Benni’s own. But that never happened.

 

* * *

 

Benni’s first impression of the baseball game was that it was more of a social event than a sports event. Everywhere Benni looked, he saw people doing everything imaginable except watching the game itself. He could’ve sworn he even saw someone reading the newspaper. The funny thing was, nearly everyone in the stadium was wearing Nationals gear of some sort whether it be a hat or a jersey. However, after having Mats explain the rules of the game to him, Benni could understand the lack of interest in what was going on out on the field. It was boring. Nothing ever happened. Well, arguably, nothing ever happened in soccer either, but at least in soccer the players were actually _moving_ instead of just standing around waiting.

Still, Benni had a great time. The stadium was well-designed and the atmosphere was cheerful. The sun was beginning to set and the sky was absolutely gorgeous. Benni took out his phone to take some photos only to have Mats snatch it right out of his hands.

“Come here,” he said, wrapping an arm around Benni’s shoulders and pulling him close. Mats held the phone out, switched it to front camera and took a picture.

“Wait, I wasn’t ready--”

But Mats kept on pressing the button, taking picture after picture and soon Benni was laughing.

“I think that’s good enough,” Mats said with a smirk. He handed the phone back to Benni, who scrolled through all the pictures Mats had taken. There must’ve been at least fifty of them.

“Oh my god, Mats…” Benni groaned, but he was still smiling. In the first couple shots, Benni looked extremely surprised. In the next ones he simply looked confused. In most of them, however, he looked ridiculously happy and so did Mats, their matching red shirts indistinguishable from one another.

“Send them to me,” Mats demanded. “All of them.”

It didn’t take long for the sky to deepen into a velvety blue and all the stadium lights to go on, and Benni felt so comfortable that he wasn’t aware of the fact that Mats had never removed his arm from around his shoulders. He was getting sleepy, too; it was three in the morning in Germany and Benni still hadn’t quite gotten over the jet lag, not to mention how busy the week had been.

“Tired?” Mats asked, dropping some Crackerjacks into his mouth. He also had some chicken tenders and fries in a basket on his lap. When had he bought them? Wow, Benni must really have been drifting off.

He didn’t even bother to answer. He just allowed his heavy eyelids to sink shut and yawned.

“Come on, let’s get you home. You can sleep on the Metro.”

Benni was only half aware of Mats pulling him up and leading him out of the stadium, where they picked up their bikes and walked with them down to the Metro.

 

* * *

 

It was quieter on the train than it had been in the park, the majority of fans not having left the stadium yet. While Mats was using both his hands to hold onto the bikes, Benni tried to get comfortable and somehow ended up with his head on Mats’ shoulder. Far too soon, his breathing slowed down significantly and he was slipping away, feeling heavy and warm.

Mats was itching to hold Benni and ease him to sleep, but he couldn’t. He had to make sure the bikes didn’t topple over. So instead, he allowed a small kiss to Benni’s forehead and hoped that was okay. The German boy most likely wouldn’t remember it, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *FYI: Football = American football. Soccer = the sport that the Mats, Benedikt & Co. play in real life AKA football/fußball/whatever you prefer to call it.
> 
> Thank you again to Bia for beta-ing this story and helping to keep it plausible. Bia has beta-ed the remainder of the chapters as well.
> 
> Soooooooo please comment and let me know you're here, tell me what you think!! :)


	4. Homesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benni has a very busy couple of days and begins to miss home a little.

**SATURDAY**

 

Benni woke up on Saturday morning with a strange recollection of dozing off with his head on Mats’ shoulder. After some thought, he concluded that the recollection was real. Groaning, he covered his face with his hands and kept them there for a while. Why had he thought that was okay? How was he going to face Mats now?

A knock sounded on the door. “Benedikt? Can I come in?”

“Yes,” Benni croaked. “What time is it?”

Mats opened the door and came in. He was already dressed and had his shoes and a cap on. “Noon, you sleepyhead,” he announced as he sat on the edge of the bed, making it sink an inch.

“Oh, shit!” Benni exclaimed and sat up so fast that it made his head spin. “I’m so sorry--”

Mats found himself giggling at both Benni’s language and his dismay at waking up so late. The German boy looked as though he’d just witnessed an earthquake, his eyes round and his hair looking just as crazy as it had when he first arrived. Mats decided that perhaps now wasn’t the best time to inform Benni just how much he’d drooled on his shoulder last night.

“Calm down, it’s fine. You needed the sleep. I just came in to ask what you wanted to do today.”

“Uh…” was Benni’s answer. Well, Mats _had_ put him on the spot right after he’d woken up. He looked totally dazed.

“Think about it come down whenever you’re ready, okay? It’s a bit late to go to the zoo, but we could go swimming or out to a restaurant or just chill at home if you want. Okay, Benedikt?” Mats stood up and waited for Benni’s acknowledgement.

“Okay,” Benni answered sleepily, stifling a yawn.

Mats leaned forward and ruffled Benni’s hair before leaving. He couldn’t have made it look any more clown-like than it already did, after all.

 

* * *

 

Half an hour later, Benni and Mats entered a restaurant called Super Pollo, where the employees spoke Spanish and there was a soccer game broadcasted on the small television. Mats’ parents had given them money for lunch, telling Mats that this was only because they had a guest and not to expect it on a regular basis.

“Chicken,” Benni said, knowing his fair share of Spanish. “In German it’s Hähnchen.”

“Hähnchen,” Mats repeated and Benni gave a nod of approval.

“Do you know what you’re getting?” Mats asked, flipping his wallet and catching it between two fingers over and over again.

“Uhhhhh…” Benni faltered as he stared up at the menu. He didn’t know which arrangement of chicken he wanted. You could get just regular chicken and pick your sides, there were also subs, burgers, and a burrito option.

“I’ll order and you can keep thinking,” Mats said.

Mats asked for a half chicken with two side dishes, and he and Benni watched the man behind the counter take a chicken from the spit and hack it in half right in front of them. Benni decided to make things simple on both himself and the man and take the other half of the chicken.

“I’ll pay and you get our drinks, I want a Coke,” Mats instructed. Benni went and got two drinks out of the refrigerator, a Coke for Mats and some iced lemon tea for himself, then he went and sat down at a table to wait for Mats to bring the food.

“Which cuisine is this?” Benni asked as Mats set their tray down on the table.

“Good question,” Mats replied, flashing a thoughtful frown. He pulled his chair out to sit down while taking his phone out of his pocket to find the answer for Benni. “Ah, Peruvian. But then again this is America so you should always be suspicious.”

Benni started to cut his chicken. He opened a small container of yellow sauce and dipped it before taking a bite. He was quite pleased with how it tasted. Meanwhile, Mats was digging into his mashed potatoes. He pushed his styrofoam plate towards Benni when he saw Benni eyeing it up. “Help yourself.”

Benni took a fry, dipped it in the sauce, and after eating it wished he had asked for fries instead of rice and beans.

“Take as many as you want,” Mats insisted.

“Thank you,” Benni said, gratefully accepting several more fries.

“So,” Mats took a spoonful of potatoes, chewed and swallowed. “What has surprised you most about the U.S.?”

Benni not only found it difficult to meet Mats’ eyes, it also seemed as if he had forgotten how to use a fork and knife. He fumbled with the plastic utensils. It occurred to him that this might’ve been his first real date-like outing with Mats; last night had been nice, but now with Mats devoting all his attention to Benni, sitting across from him and enjoying his company rather than the entertainment of a baseball game, Benni felt like a deer caught in headlights. He wasn’t quite sure how to respond to the question, or even what Mats had asked in the first place at this point. His brain had turned to mush, so he said the first thing that came into his mind.

“I wet myself on my first date.”

Mats spat his Coke back into the bottle dramatically. “You _what?!_ ”

“I…” Benni scratched his arm uncomfortably, just now coming to terms with what he’d said. There was no way he could worm himself out of this one. There was so much he could’ve said instead to actually answer the question, like how nice the people were, or how similar it was to Germany when he was expecting it to be a completely different world, or just anything but _that._ Mats was regarding him with a half amused, half horrified look. So Benni closed his eyes and smiled sheepishly. “Okay. I was twelve, I really had to use the toilet but I was too shy to ask where it was, and we were on the couch and she tickled me a bit…”

Mats shifted awkwardly. “Why are you talking about this?”

Benni cringed. “I don’t know. Sorry, I’m just...yeah.”

“Had to get it off your chest?”

“Yeah.” _Let’s go with that…_ What Benni really wanted to do right now was run into the bathroom to pull himself together, maybe splash his face with some cold water.

Mats reached across the table and patted Benni’s shoulder. “You’re a special one, Benedikt.”

 

* * *

 

Mats and Benni went to the pool after lunch. It was a members-only pool, so it was far nicer than any other public pool Benni had ever visited. The first thing Benni did when they arrived was put sunscreen on. He rubbed it onto his face, chest, and arms and was struggling to reach his back and shoulders when he felt a pair of hands gently pushing his arms down.

“I can do it,” Mats said, a little too quickly for Benni to believe that he was 100% sure of himself. But Benni nodded, and soon he felt Mats’ palms working against his shoulders and back. He had to close his eyes. It felt nice, with the sun against his skin and Mats soothing the cool cream into his back. He wished he could experience the feeling forever.

“Thank you,” Benni said. And then he added, shyly, “I can do you if you want?”

Mats laughed. “I don’t do sunscreen.”

“Oh,” Benni mumbled.

“But I’d be happy to let you…”

Benni shook his head, squeezed some sunscreen onto his finger then brushed it against the tip of Mats’ nose. “Boop.”

 

* * *

 

They jumped in to cool down and ended up simply sitting on the edge of the deep end with their feet dangling in the water.

“I have to tell you something,” Benni said. He watched a droplet of water roll down Mats’ arm and off his elbow.

“I’m listening.” Mats tapped Benni’s foot and instigated a little game of underwater footsie.

“Me wetting my pants on my first date is not what surprised me most about America,” Benni stated. He wanted to make that clear.

Mats chuckled and splashed Benni lightly. “Okay, but that was actually hilarious. Less your answer itself, but more how you reacted to it...it was adorable, your face was _so_ red.”

Benni felt himself going red again. Which reminded him that he needed to reapply sunscreen or he would look like a tomato for the rest of the trip. Pushing water back in Mats’ direction, he said, “I think what really has surprised me the most is how close we’ve become in just one week.”

Mats didn’t say anything at first. He bit his lip and frowned slightly as if he were thinking and for a while Benni simply took in everything around him. Children playing and screaming, the sound of splashing water, the feel of it sloshing around his feet, and most of all the presence of Mats next to him. It always fascinated Benni to hear four and five year olds speaking English with no difficulties or thought involved; he had studied, practiced, and trained his brain to different sounds for longer than they had been alive and yet he still struggled more than they did. _How did they do that?_ The same way he had learned German when he was small. It really intrigued him how different learning a first language was to a second. Learning your first language is how you build and create memories, while on the other hand you have to use those memories in order to learn a second one. It’s hard to transform what you know into something else as opposed to learning something completely new. It’s easier to form a habit than to break one.

It occurred to him how welcome he felt here in the United States at Mats’ house. He didn’t want to stay forever, of course. His true home was in Germany. But he was enjoying every moment he spent here.

“Can’t say that I don’t agree with you, Benedikt. I feel like you’re more than a friend to me, like a brother almost.”

“Like a brother,” Benni agreed.

 _Brothers._ Benni liked the sound of that, but something about it still seemed...off. He didn’t want to be Mats’ brother. He wanted to be something else.

 

* * *

 

Mats and Benni played tennis for a while, jumped back in the pool and attempted some flips off the diving board then called it a day. By the time they were walking home, the sun was already going down and Benni explained to Mats how much longer the summer days in Germany were. It was just another subtle difference, one that didn’t quite matter but it was one of those things that made Germany Germany and America America.

He looked up and saw the moon. The same moon that floated above his sky in Germany, but thousands of miles away. He debated sharing this with Mats, first deciding it was stupid, then deciding that Mats might understand the significance of it.

“Look at the moon,” he said. “I want to take a picture of it.”

“Why?” Mats wanted to know. “It’s the same moon. It’s nothing special.”

“Genau,” Benni said, more to himself than to Mats. Then he took a picture of the moon and the sunset.

 

* * *

 

** TUESDAY **

 

Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday were very busy days for Benni.

It seemed that the Hummels family wanted to show him everything there was in the entire region all crammed into Sunday, including a rather hot and crowded trip to the zoo. On Monday, the group not only volunteered for several hours, but also went to three different museums: the Botanical Gardens, the Air and Space Museum, and the Spy Museum. Then on Tuesday was a day trip to Baltimore during which they visited ports and went to the aquarium. Benni would have enjoyed Baltimore very much had it not been for Thomas and Manuel, who spent the entire day arguing with each other about nonsensical things and completely ignoring the harbor. Benni wished he had chosen some other peers to bond with during the first days of the trip because it was too late now; teenagers tend to stick with who they know. Individually, Thomas and Manuel were fine but put them together and all they cared about was anime and FIFA. About halfway through the day, Benni’s frustration with his friends reached a tipping point when out of the blue, Thomas accused Benni of ‘never spending any time with them.’

“Because I came to America so I could learn about a new culture, not to hear you two bicker about things that don’t even matter all day,” Benni replied through gritted teeth, trying to contain his temper and not throw his hands up or start yelling. “And no offense, but I’d rather spend my time with Americans while I’m here. We spend our entire lives with Germans so I want to take the chance to interact with different people while I have it.”

Thomas rolled his eyes and grabbed Manuel’s arm. “Suck up. Let’s go,” he muttered, pulling his friend away and leaving Benni by himself. He was glad to be left alone, but it still hurt a little being abandoned like that.

Besides his fall out with Thomas and Manuel, Benni also had to endure the absolute nightmare of public transportation. They had to take a ridiculous combination of buses through traffic in order to get back from Baltimore to D.C., a torture to someone who was just dying to be home. Benni had a throbbing headache, his legs were cramping from all the walking and not drinking enough water, and there was a vague feeling of homesickness building in the pit of his stomach, too. He rested his head against the back of the chair in front of him, longing and willing for this bus ride to be over.

By the time he made it back, it was past eight o’clock and Mats had apparently been waiting for him because as soon as he entered the front door, he was telling Benni something about going out for ice cream.

“Not now, Mats. Please,” Benni said rather bluntly, brushing past the American boy and heading for the guest room and shutting the door behind him. As soon as he was alone, he sat on the floor and buried his face in his hands, pressing his fingers in his eyes so hard that it hurt and gave him something to think about other than everything else that was wrong.

 _I want to go home,_ he thought for the first time since the plane had touched the runway.

“Benedikt?”

Benni’s blood stopped cold. Half of him wanted Mats to come over and pull him against his body and make him feel better. The other half wanted nothing to do with Mats or anything American right now. He decided to ignore Mats and let him do whatever he wanted, whether it be to stay and console a grumpy Benni or leave him to steam off on his own.

Benni heard the door creaking open then closing again. He heard and felt Mats sitting down across from him.

“Drink this, you’ll feel better.”

Benni uncovered his face, only vaguely concerned about the blotchy cheeks and countless eye bags that he was revealing to Mats. He took the glass that Mats was holding out for him and murmured a “thank you” before sipping it.

“What happened? What’s wrong?”

Benni shook his head and pursed his lips, his eyes glued to the carpet.

“Do you feel sick?” Mats asked.

 _Did_ he feel sick? Yes. His body ached from exhaustion, but most of all his chest was aching for home. “I miss home,” he admitted, keeping his eyes strictly away from Mats to avoid whatever form of disappointment that crossed his face.

“You’re homesick,” Mats repeated.

Benni nodded and took another small sip of his drink.

“Do you want to call your parents?”

“I think it’s too late there.”

“Oh, true. Well...do you want me to leave?”

Benni hesitated. “Can you stay?”

Mats sighed, toying with a small tear in his shirt. Something in him absolutely hated for Benni to feel this way and he felt a fierce desire to protect him. It pained him, wrenched at his gut to see someone he cared immensely about vulnerable and unhappy, especially someone as innocent as Benni.

“Alright, Benedikt. Here’s the deal. I want to help you cheer up but I don’t know what I can do, and it’s making me feel bad to see you like this when I can’t do anything to help. I feel completely useless. So, when you think of what you want, tell me, okay?”

Benni just nodded again. Then he looked up and finally met Mats’ eyes. He never had realized how gorgeous Mats’ eyes were, but maybe that was because he had never really looked at Mats before. There was nothing special about them. They were a rather plain shade of brown curtained by average length eyelashes. The only thing extraordinary was the fact that his left eye appeared slightly smaller his right due to the fact that his eyelids were uneven. Benni had always thought something was off about Mats’ eyes, now he had identified it. Maybe that was why he had a prescription. In that moment, Benni wanted to kiss Mats. He drank the rest of his juice, holding Mats’ gaze over the rim of the cup.

“More?” Mats asked, motioning to the cup.

“Yes, please.”

So Mats took the cup and went to the kitchen pour some more orange juice for Benni. He arrived back with a laptop in one hand, balancing the cup and two spoons on top of it. His other hand was occupied with a pint of ice cream.

“Thought an ice cream and movie night might cheer you up,” Mats said quite plainly as he set everything down on the bed, minus the juice which he gave to Benni. “Be right back, make yourself comfortable.”

 

* * *

 

Mats came back into the room wearing only a white t-shirt, boxer shorts and the pair of glasses which he seemed to wear only at night. Benni had also changed and was waiting on the bed for Mats.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Sure,” Benni replied, his heart fluttering as he scooted over and made room for Mats. Benni set up the laptop so they could both see it while Mats arranged the blanket around both of them.

“What movie do you want to watch?” Mats asked as he flipped through the options.

“You pick it,” said Benni. He didn’t really care what movie they saw. He probably wouldn’t be able to focus on it anyway, being this close to Mats, the heat from their bodies building up beneath the blanket, their limbs slipping against one another as they got comfortable.

Mats chose _Weird Science_ , which sounded totally stupid by the description but was actually quite hilarious. It was a good movie to cheer up to. Mats and Benni passed the pint of ice cream -- Ben & Jerry’s S’mores -- back and forth and took turns taking bites. When the pint was empty, Mats put it on the floor along with the spoons and scooted even closer to Benni.

“Feeling any better?”

“Yeah. Thank you so much, I’m sorry for how I was acting earlier. I didn’t mean to be so cranky, I don’t know, today wasn’t the best day…” Benni trailed off and looked down at his hands. He didn’t really want to go into details about it and bore Mats with his whining.

Mats paused the movie, put the laptop aside and twisted around to face Benni. “Hey, and that’s understandable. You guys have been going nonstop, I’d be exhausted if I were you. It’s okay.”

Benni stared back at Mats. All he wanted to do was crawl into his arms and fall asleep, he felt so warm and cozy here, his stomach full of ice cream. And it seemed as if Mats held the same idea as he was now fixing the pillows so they could both lay down.

“Ahh,” Benni breathed.

The movie now forgotten, both boys were drifting off and the sleepier he became, the more Benni longed for the comfort of the boy next to him. It wasn’t long until they had migrated so close together that all Benni could smell was Mats. It was a pleasing scent, a mixture of the shower he had had this morning, his sweat from the day and his unique sweetness.

“Hey,” Mats whispered.

Benni’s eyes flew open from the shock of hearing Mats’ voice after the long time of silence. They were face to face, Mats’ eyes shining inches away from his own, his lips slightly parted.

“I should go to bed.”

“You are in bed,” Benni pointed out.

“My own bed. But first, just…”

“What?”

“Give me a hug?”

Mats sounded unsure and that’s when Benni realized something. Mats was nervous around him, which meant Benni was someone he wanted to impress, which in turn meant that Benni meant something to Mats. It made his stomach clench pleasurably.

Benni somehow managed to extract his heavy arms and drape them over Mats’ warm body. He could feel Mats’ slow breath on his cheek, all of Mats encompassing him. It was over too soon when Mats let out a breath, rolled out of bed and held out both his hands to pull Benni up, too.

“Ich will aber nicht…” Benni murmured, so sleepy and comfy he had forgotten to filter the German in his mind to the English that came out of his mouth.

“I have no idea what you just said, but come on. Let’s go brush our teeth then you can go back to bed,” Mats commanded, though he too was swaying with exhaustion.

So Benni complied, allowing Mats to help him up. His palms were so sweaty that they almost slipped out of Mats’, but he held on and only let go after they were in the hallway, both shielding their eyes against the burst of light that met them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to let you guys know that this story is 7 chapters long. The reason the number of chapters is still a question mark is because I'm still undecided about an epilogue.
> 
> Please comment with your thoughts about the story so far or what you think will happen :D


	5. Left Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go out for ice cream as it's Benni's last night at Mats' house. The next day, the group heads to New York AKA things are finally getting serious in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long gap between chapters again...I hope you like it nonetheless :)

**WEDNESDAY**

 

It was the Germans’ last day in Washington, D.C. Tomorrow they would board the bus to New York City. Thus when Benni got home from his activities that day, Mats’ parents took him out for a meal. They went to a Japanese restaurant where Benni ordered sushi and tempura udon.

It had been a great day so far. Thomas had apologized to Benni about the previous day and they both agreed that the trip had been draining on everyone. Today, however, had been far more relaxing.

“Here’s to Benni,” Mats’ dad said happily and held up his glass for cheers. Mats and Benni shared a look; _sorry, my parents are weird,_ Mats’ said. _I’m gonna miss you guys a lot,_ Benni’s said. His glass clinked against Mats’ mom’s.

“Thank you so much for hosting me,” Benni said, and he hoped he really was conveying just how grateful he was.

“It was a pleasure, Benedikt. Come back anytime,” Mrs. Hummels replied affably.

“I have something for you.” And with that, Benni produced the gift bag he had brought along from Germany. Inside of it were all the stereotypical German gifts Benni could think off: Haribo, Nutella, a Die Mannschaft scarf and a calendar of German sights. He had also included a handwritten thank you note.

The next few minutes were devoted to everyone thanking each other immensely, and though it reminded Benni of the fake-nice, conversation-filling American stereotype, he felt a level of sincerity around the table that made him feel welcome and happy. He didn’t want to leave this family tomorrow. They were his second family and in only two weeks, he’d created a bond that he’d never be able to create with anyone else. They had taken him in like he was their own from the very beginning, and it all came from a semi-random arrangement of German students to American host families.

Benni stole a glance across the table at Mats, who was frustratingly trying to use his chopsticks. The look on his face was gold; his tongue poking between his lips and while his eyes were pouting, his eyebrows were knitted into a frown and it was very cute. Benni really had gotten lucky.

Most of all, he was going to miss Mats.

 

* * *

 

When they got home, it was dark out and Mats suggested he and Benni go out for ice cream.

“Ice cream? Again?” Benni answered.

“Please? I know we had it last night but I really want to take you to this place,” Mats begged, grabbing Benni’s forearms.

Benni grinned. There was no way he’d even consider saying ‘no’. “Well, okay.”

They rode bikes there, and with the fresh, warm air flying past his face and the clear night sky, it dawned on him even more how much he was going to miss the place. He hadn’t simply been a tourist. This had been his home.

The inside of the shop bursted with a sickly-sweet scent. Benni almost fell into a fit of hysterical laughter; there were about twice as many toppings as there were ice cream flavors, and every single flavor was something ridiculous that Benni couldn’t even identify, like ‘Superman’ -- a rainbow concoction that looked like Play-Doh. He didn’t know what was so funny about it, just that it was...well, it was just _so_ American. More! Better! What was wrong with just plain old vanilla and chocolate ice cream?

“What’s funny?” Mats asked, his hand finding the small of Benni’s back to lead him to the counter.

“Nothing,” Benni answered slyly.

Mats raised an eyebrow. Benni covered his uncontrollable smile with his hands, not wanting Mats to think he was even more crazy, but all Mats did was shake his head with a chuckle and slip his arm around Benni’s waist, playing with his hipbone.

“You’re adorable,” he said effortlessly. “I hope you know that.”

Benni felt like his face was on fire after that, so having the cool ice cream in his hands was a relief. He had gone with something more classic, a chocolate cone, while Mats had ordered the most cringeworthy thing on the menu, some sort of triple chocolate sundae with hot fudge and candy cherries and gummy worms and way too much sugar and three different kinds of ice cream, all with their own mix-ins.

Sitting side-by-side outside the parlor under the streetlights, Mats held out his spoon and asked, “You wanna try it?”

Benni leaned over slightly to take the spoon in his mouth. As soon as it hit his tongue, his eyes widened. Talk about a sensory overload. He couldn’t even enjoy the thing as he wasn’t quite sure what exactly he should be enjoying.

Mats snorted at Benni’s reaction. “I’m assuming you didn’t like it very much.”

“It’s a bit too much,” Benni agreed, then only to be polite seeing as Mats probably wouldn’t want any of Benni’s boring cone, he offered the American boy some of his. And to his surprise, Mats eagerly took him up, licking sloppily around as much of the scoop as he could.

“You have some right…” Benni leaned in and swiped the mess off Mats’ cheek. “There.”

Mats responded by poking Benni directly in the belly button. “You’re not gonna pee yourself if I do this, huh, Mr. I-wet-myself-on-my-first-date?”

Benni squirmed and flexed his stomach as Mats tickled him. He almost shrieked and dropped his ice cream, but he bit his tongue and shoved Mats playfully instead. “You suck, you really really suck, I hope you know that.”

“Oh, sorry. I thought we had a game going on there.” Mats ran his tongue slowly over his lips, which were looking awfully moist and pink. If they were going to kiss, well, this was one of their last chances and a pretty good opportunity…

But then Mats turned and refocused on his monstrosity of an ice cream sundae. So Benni returned to his own ice cream, too, though his mind and chest were racing and he was tapping his feet up and down like he was about to take off. Next time he was going to go in for the kiss no matter what. Mats had initiated everything so far. Now, it was Benni’s turn.

 

* * *

 

Benni started to pack as soon as he and Mats got home. It felt surreal in the same way as he had arrived, the fact that he was leaving being hard to process. He didn’t feel sad; he still had tomorrow morning to say goodbye to Mats and his family, after all.

His stuff had accumulated into quite the mess over the past week and a half despite his attempt at keeping everything folded and in order. His suitcase was already full and he still had a good amount of clothes that hadn’t been packed up yet. Frustrated, Benni dumped everything in his suitcase back out onto the bed so he could refold and reorganize his belongings.

It took him nearly an hour to arrange everything he had into his suitcase and carry on, minus what he would need for tomorrow. Once he had finished, he stood up and pushed his hair back with a sigh of relief. Finally.

He wandered downstairs in search of Mats. He found Mr. Hummels in the living room, watching baseball on television. Mr. Hummels informed Benni that Mats was in his room packing, to which Benni frowned and asked what he was packing for only to feel like a complete idiot. He hadn’t even considered that Mats might be coming along to New York, too. Where else would he be packing for?

Elation floated in his chest as Benni made his way back upstairs. He would still have two full, entire days to spend with Mats in the city that never sleeps. He didn’t even bother to knock on Mats’ door; he just marched right on and sat on his desk chair, using his foot to spin it in a slow semicircle.

“What’s up?” Mats greeted him, tossing a t-shirt into his backpack.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming to New York.” Benni was grinning from ear to ear and his cheek muscles were actually aching because of it.

Mats stopped packing and folded his arms. “Why wouldn’t I come?”

Benni shrugged. “I don’t know. I just thought it was just us going. The Germans, I mean. Not that I didn’t want you to come. I’m really happy that you’re coming because it means we can spend more time together. Not like that, I mean, I...okay, whatever. Do you need help packing?” He gestured wildly towards Mats’ backpack, self-consciousness causing him to fumble.

“Benedikt, why are you so nervous around me, hm?”

Benni shook head as if to say _‘Not now’_ , blushing furiously and pinching his upper lip. Ten seconds ago he’d been grinning like a madman and now his mouth was so dry that he couldn’t even speak. Why did he always have to make everything so unnecessarily awkward?

“Aw, Benedikt, come on. I was just teasing you,” Mats apologized. He stood above Benni and lifted his chin up with two fingers. Benni looked so sad, so unsure of himself that it made his own heart ache for the other boy. “I’m looking forward to spending more time with you, too. You don’t need to be shy around me, okay?”

“Okay,” Benni said quietly.

Mats moved his fingers slowly from under Benni’s chin to his cheek, which was very hot. He grazed over the skin lightly before letting his hand fall back again.

“I think we need to talk, Benedikt,” Mats said lowly, not wanting to ruin this small moment.

“Now?”

“Not if you don’t want to.”

“Yeah.” Benni couldn’t stop tapping his heel up and down.

“Fine with me. So do you still want to help me pack? I know it’s only two days but I have no clue what to bring.”

Benni smiled slightly. “Of course.”

 

* * *

 

**THURSDAY**

 

Benni’s phone alarm went off at six o’clock sharp the next morning. They needed to be at the bus stop at seven thirty and even though it was only a ten minute drive, Benni wanted to have one last breakfast with his family and enough time to say goodbye.

Mr. Hummels was preparing a special breakfast for Benni’s last morning, and it was more like what Benni had anticipated he’d be on a daily basis as a typical American breakfast. Pancakes, bacon, fried eggs, and fruit compote were all being prepared and it smelled delicious. Butter and maple syrup sat on the table, waiting to be used.

Halfway through the breakfast, it became difficult for Benni to chew and swallow and it dawned on him that this was probably the last time he’d ever see his host mom and dad. Not only that, but he’d never sleep in that bed again, walk in the front door, use Mats’ shower again or hang out in Mats’ bedroom. When the breakfast was finished, it was nearly time to go and Benni knew that it was time to say goodbye.

A lump formed in his throat as Mats’ dad pulled him into a hug. He tried to hide the fact that he was slightly out of breath while Mr. Hummels promised him that he had meant it about Benni always being welcome here, keeping his hands firmly planted on Benni’s shoulders all the while. Benni tried to believe it but found the idea of coming to Washington again unrealistic. He nodded anyway, and Mr. Hummels waved until the car was out of sight and Benni could no longer see his host dad.

 

* * *

 

All of the German teens were saying goodbye to their host families now so he could no longer pretend that it wasn’t actually happening. It didn’t get any easier to say goodbye to Mrs. Hummels. At the same time, however, Benni was eager to get on the bus and arrive in New York and even more eager to be back in Germany. The exchange had been a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but something untouchable within him had realized he wasn’t home and the instinct was kicking in.

“Are you okay?” Mats said so only Benni could hear.

“Yes,” Benni said, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible. He didn’t want Mats to think he was _that_ pathetic, even if it was reasonable that he’d be a little emotional over saying a last goodbye to two people who had adopted him warmly into their home in a country he didn’t know. Mats didn’t look like he believed Benni’s answer, but he let the matter drop.

Benni handed his suitcase to the driver, hitched up his backpack and climbed up the stairs to the inside. Now that Mats was behind him, he let his eyes well up and it felt good to not have to blink it back anymore.

He found an empty seat. It was a nice bus; there were outlets and air conditioning and the seats were quite comfortable. Once he was in his seat, he allowed himself one sniffle before he lifted his shirt to dry his eyes. His throat still had that heavy feeling, but at least now he could disguise it. No one else seemed to be this emotional about leaving. In fact, Thomas and Manuel were already joking and laughing with each other in the seats across from him, decidedly unconcerned about leaving their host families.

Mats plopped down next to Benni, and from then on Benni pretended to be unconcerned just like his peers because Mats wouldn’t understand. He knew Mats had a big heart, but he wasn’t sure if his host brother would be able to empathize with him on this one.

 

* * *

 

The bus ride was about four and a half hours. For the first part of the ride, Mats had given one of his earbuds to Benni and showed him all his favorite songs. They had to sit ridiculously close to one another in order for the earbuds to not be yanked out of either one of their ears, so Benni was practically on Mats’ lap with their heads touching, making it just a tiny bit harder to concentrate on the songs Mats was playing. It was also difficult to listen to the music seeing as Thomas and Manuel had apparently grown bored of each other and were now trying to draw him into their conversation. Eventually, it became evident that he would have to pick one or the other so without really thinking about it, he took the earbud out, handed it back to Mats and positioned himself so he could make eye contact with Thomas and Manuel across the aisle from the window seat. Mats raised an eyebrow and Benni gestured apologetically towards his German friends. So Mats put both earbuds back in his ears and leaned back in his seat while Benni chatted across his lap in a language he couldn’t understand. Hopefully it wouldn’t last long.

Ten minutes of this was beginning to get unbearable, so Mats removed his earbuds and nudged Benni to get his attention. He felt stupid talking in English. He was interrupting the conversation in a much more dramatic way than conversations were normally interrupted.

“Do you want to sit in the aisle seat?” he asked once he had Benni’s attention, trying not to sound as irritated as he felt. He hoped that Benni would decline and devote his attention back to him, but that’s not what happened. Benni gratefully accepted and after they had traded seats, Mats felt even more left out than before. At least, he bitterly thought, without them talking over him it was less uncomfortable now.

He leaned against the window and ignored the rattling, drifting off into a daydream of what he had thought this bus ride would be like. Him and Benni flirting and talking and becoming closer, not Benni ignoring him and speaking gibberish. He thought it was kind of rude, in a way. Benni was quite aware that Mats didn’t speak a word of German and therefore couldn’t join in the conversation. And on top of feeling brutally left out, Mats was getting cold, too. There was too much air conditioning on the bus and with the heat outside, he hadn’t thought to bring a hoodie.

He knew he shouldn’t look at Benni right now because it would simply infuriate him further. But he did anyway. Benni wasn’t even facing the right away; he had turned completely so his legs were in the aisle and he was leaning so far forward that his ass was the closest part of his body to Mats. It was like he had totally forgotten that Mats was even there. That or he just didn’t give a shit.

Mats shook his head in disbelief. He thought Benni was different. He’d been wrong. Why had he thought they shared anything special, just because Benni had stayed in his house for two weeks and he was supposed to be hosting him? That didn’t mean anything. Benni didn’t pay him any special attention.

He dragged his backpack out from underneath the seat and fished through it for a snack, hoping that would distract him and making sure to accidentally elbow Benni’s back as much as possible in the process.

Well, that at least caught his attention. Benni turned around, his eyebrows arched. Mats glared at him and Benni’s look turned from curious to surprised. “What’s up?”

Mats ignored him and began to peel his clementine.

“Mats?” Benni was facing forward again, his fingers fiddling with the strings of his hoodie and his eyes trained on the American boy.

Part of Mats wanted to respond but the other part didn’t. Benni didn’t deserve his attention. After all, Mats wouldn’t have earned Benni’s attention had he not elbowed him in the back. There was also a small part of Mats that believed that by acting subdued, he’d earn even more of Benni’s attention.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Benni asked gently.

“Nothing,” Mats snapped.

Benni watched Mats as he worked on the clementine, digging his fingernails far too aggressively into the skin and flaring his nostrils. “It must be something because you’re angry.”

Mats rolled his eyes. “I don’t know, maybe it’s because you and your friends keep yakking away in German and I have no clue what you’re saying and I’m just sitting here being ignored,” he grumbled.

Benni looked genuinely shocked to hear that. He let go of his hoodie strings and his hands fell to his lap. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think about that.”

Mats narrowed his eyes. “And you didn’t realize me sitting here in misery with no one to talk to?”

“I wasn’t--”

“Honestly, I’m just disappointed with you right now. I didn’t have to come to New York. I came so we could spend time together, but you’re just ignoring me.” Mats shrugged and continued with the clementine. He squeezed it so hard that it dripped juice on his shorts.

“I don’t understand why this is all my fault. I’m just talking to my friends,” Benni said, feeling a little defensive.

“You know I can’t speak German, you’re leaving me out and it makes me think you just don’t wanna talk to me,” Mats replied nonchalantly. He was much less frustrated now that he had Benni’s attention, but he was feeling hurt as ever.

“That’s not true. I told you, I didn’t think it over. I didn’t intend to leave you out. You’re my friend, too.”

Mats simply tore a piece of clementine and tossed it halfheartedly at Benni’s chest, shoving another three pieces into his mouth to avoid having arguing.

“So now you’re throwing fruit at me? Really mature. You know what, Mats? It’s not really unreasonable for me to speak my native tongue with other native speakers. I have talked to you in English the entire time I’ve been here, so give me a break.”

“I get that, but try to see it from my perspective. It makes me feel bad that you know my language but I don’t know yours. I don’t even know _any_ second language. Forgive me, but I just feel like you’re rubbing that in my face. I know you’re not, but that’s what it feels like to me,” Mats admitted, seeming more unhappy and vulnerable than Benni had ever seen him before.

Benni didn’t say anything. He just started playing with his hoodie again, his eyebrows furrowed slightly and his lips thinned. He could see why Mats was upset and while it was true that he’d meant no harm by speaking in the language that was most comfortable for him, things could seem different for Mats. This wasn’t Mats just being needy; he was legitimately hurt, and even if Benni hadn’t meant to hurt him, he still had and that’s what mattered.

“I’m sorry, Mats,” Benni finally said.

“For what?”

“For being insensitive.”

“It’s okay.” Mats turned the clementine over in his hand. He didn’t really feel like eating it anymore.

“Maybe I can teach you some German, if you want me to?” Benni suggested uncertainly.

“I would like that,” Mats agreed.

Benni nodded, though he seemed sidetracked. His eyes had wandered to Mats’ fingers and were watching them separate the pieces of clementine. “Are you cold?” he asked, seemingly out of the blue.

“Maybe. How did you know?” Mats looked up.

“Because of the hairs on your skin,” Benni answered easily, patting Mats’ forearm.

Mats examined his forearms, running his hand where Benni’s had been as if to confirm that he was indeed cold. Once he had, he shrugged as if to brush it off. “Whatever.”

“Do you want to borrow my hoodie? I'll trade it for your clementine.”

“Sure.”

So Benni took off his hoodie and handed it to Mats. He took the fruit in exchange and ate the rest of it, dropping the peels into the mesh pocket on the back of the seat before him.

A shiver ran down Mats’ spine. Benni’s hoodie was more snug than anything he would have chosen for himself. He thought that it looked great on Benni, hugging his shoulders and chest tightly but it felt even better to be wearing it. It was still warm from the German boy and the fleece on the inside was still intact.

Something still felt off, though. Everything was settled except for the fact that Mats was guilty after having been unfair to Benni, having possibly overreacted. Of course Benni should be allowed to speak to his friends in his native language without being made to feel bad. Not everything in the world was about catering to Mats and his cultural ignorance.

He knew it wasn’t his fault how he’d grown up. But it was still disappointing and highly frustrating. A little embarrassing, too. Why couldn’t Americans value the beauty of knowing multiple language like other countries did?

 

* * *

 

Half an hour later, Mats had learned how to say his name, where he came from and also inquire this information from others.

“Ready to practice everything so far?” Benni said after he was sure Mats had perfected the basics.

“Yes. Okay, so…” Mats wrapped his fingers together as he concentrated. “Hallo, ich bin Mats. Und wie heißt du?”

Benni bit back the imposing grin on his lips; he didn’t want Mats to think he was laughing at him. “Ich heiße Benni.”

“Ich komme aus den USA, aus Washington, D.C. Woher kommst du?”

“Aus Deutschland,” Benni said, unabling to hold back a giggle.

Mats scowled. “Stop laughing at how stupid I sound.”

Which just made Benni laugh even more. He wasn’t laughing _at_ Mats per se, but it was entertaining to hear an American accent in German after being so self conscious about his own accent.

“No, it's cute,” Benni said.

“Squirrel,” Mats said seriously.

“Squirrel?” Benni repeated, confused.

Mats cracked up, and it was only then that Benni realized it was a trap and that he’d completely butchered the word. He frowned and tried again. “Squi...squi…”

He couldn’t do it. The word simply didn’t want to come off his tongue, no matter how many times he said it correctly in his head. And Mats was finding this hilarious.

“Okay, my turn. Say ‘Streichholzchächtelchen’,” Benni ordered. It was the first ‘unpronounceable’ word that came to his mind considering he was now feeling chilly without his hoodie. He wasn’t going to ask for it back, though; he resorted to rubbing his hands together instead.

“No way,” Mats snorted. He thought Benni’s accent was charming and always found himself fighting the urge to grin; the way he occasionally put the emphasis on the wrong syllable, worded things a bit differently and had to restart words was irresistibly cute. But he was not about to make a fool of himself with his clueless American one.

“Streichholzchächtelchen.”

“What does that even mean?”

“If you say it I’ll tell you.”

“Streichholzchächtelchen,” Mats sighed and Benni giggled. It was a little rough but generally represented the word, kind of. “Now tell me what it means.”

“It means ‘Benni is so good-looking and I love him’.”

Mats winked. “You caught me.”

Benni gaped. Well, he hadn’t quite expected a reaction like _that_.

Mats played with the hem of the hoodie. Some of his hair had fallen into his face, and Benni wanted so badly to tuck it back. He was just about to reach out and do just that before Mats fixed it himself.

 

* * *

 

They were staying in a hostel in New York. There were rooms of four, three, and two. Mats and Benni ensured that they got a double room.

It wasn’t the fanciest place but it was decent, with two single beds, a shower separate from the sink and toilet and big windows that opened to look down on the street. They had spent the afternoon in the city and gotten lunch and dinner. Now it was time to settle down.

Benni opted to take a shower first. When he was finished, he threw on some shorts then went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, where he found Mats poking his contacts out of his eyes.

Mats scooted over to allow room for Benni and they both managed to squeeze into the tiny bathroom. Not that either of them minded the shared space, though. Benni kept side-eyeing Mats, who wiggled his eyebrows smugly, which caused toothpaste to come drizzling down Benni’s chin.

Benni was the first to crawl into bed that evening. Mats turned the lights off and did the same several minutes later, but not before the allowed himself the satisfaction of stealing a glance at the other boy. His hair looked blonder as it spread across the pillow. Maybe it had bleached itself out from all that time outside in the sun. The sheets were pulled up tightly all the way up to his shin; it looked as if he were trying to shell himself away. The room was air conditioned and getting chillier as the night rolled in. The soft material of Benni’s hoodie clung to Mats’ body once more; he had taken it off earlier as soon as they got off the bus into the disappointing warmth again.

“Can I ask you something?” Benni announced after it was dark and the both of them were in bed, his voice sounding thicker as sleep overtook his body.

“Mhm.” Mats’ eyes opened to Benni’s hazel ones several feet away.

Benni took a moment to reply. “Why do you always call me by my full name?”

“I don’t know. Because that’s what the e-mail said when we found out who we were hosting so that’s what got into my head.”

“And your parents too, I guess,” Benni said, slightly put off. He’d been hoping it was something special. He felt foolish for hoping that.

“Do you want me to call you Benni? I should’ve asked when you first came, I’m sorry.”

“No,” Benni said quickly. “Call me whatever you want. It doesn’t really matter, I was just wondering.”

For a fleeting moment, Mats’ heart swelled with so much affection for the German boy, not just because tomorrow was their last full day together but because of how the last two weeks had gone. Benni was the sweetest boy Mats had ever met. He was sensitive and open-minded, polite and shy, but also brave with a sense of humor. Especially after the incident on the bus today. Mats felt foolish about it, but he didn’t want to bring it up to apologize because it seemed long gone by now.

It tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop it: “Well in that case, can I call you my date for tomorrow?”

There was another pause in which Mats feared he had just spoiled everything. Then Benni said, the smile audible in his voice, “Of course you can.”

Nothing more was said after that. Not because there was nothing to talk about, but because neither boy wanted to face the elephant in the room: they both liked each other, a _lot_ , but they lived on different sides of the world.

Below, New York City rang out in celebration, horns honking to no end and people shouting. It was hard for the boys to fall asleep that night. They kept tossing and turning about with anticipation as well as excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Streichholzschächtelchen' is the diminutive form of 'Streichholzschachtel', which means a box of matches :D


	6. New York City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benni and Mats spend the day in New York City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. I moved into my college dorm on Sunday (*cries*) and I had practice for marching band literally every day all day for the past week...which doesn't really leave time for either writing or being sad about leaving home. Anyway, I hope you like it and please comment! (AKA cheer me up because I'm not handling this whole 'adult' thing very well)

**FRIDAY**

 

Benni didn’t sleep very well due to both his adrenaline and the fact that the citizens and guests of New York City didn’t seem to believe in sleep. But that didn’t stop the pangs of excitement from shooting around in his stomach. He had the _entire day_ to spend with Mats, and only Mats. No guided tours, no group activities. It could be just the two of them.

He remembered to call his parents first, though. After talking to both his mom and dad and assuring them that he was fine and having fun, he ended the call and leapt up to get dressed.

“I’m putting your sweatshirt at the end of the bed, okay?” Mats informed him.

“Okay,” Benni replied distractedly, pawing through his suitcase to find the nice dress shirt he had packed for fancy occasions. Not that today was one of those, but he wanted to make a good impression on Mats’ memory of him.

“Thanks, by the way. It was very warm.”

“You’re welcome.”

 

* * *

 

When everyone met downstairs, Herr Löw explained that they had the day to themselves but that they must be in groups of at least three at all times and to meet back in the lobby by eleven. The first thing Benni did after everyone was dismissed was beg Herr Löw to allow him a group of two with Mats, his reasoning being that Mats had a working phone and Herr Löw grudgingly gave in.

They ate breakfast at the hostel. The selection included scrambled eggs, ham, potatoes, fruit, and muffins. Benni almost sighed when he walked in and saw the continental breakfast. He really liked the food in America, but he was tired of having dinner for breakfast. He decided to go with a muffin and a banana while Mats had a bowl of what he claimed was the greatest cereal in the world, Lucky Charms.

The breakfast was just one of the many things that reminded Benni of where he was and made him feel conflicted. Part of him was ready to go home. New York City was nothing like the impression he had always held of it. It was dirty, crowded, and the air quality was awful. That being said, it was still New York City with its screaming colors and flashing billboards and endless stores and places to eat. It was also Benni’s last day here, his last day with Mats, and he wanted to get the most out of it. Who knew if they wouldn’t drift apart as soon as he boarded the plane?

“What are you thinking about?” Mats wanted to know as they were putting their plates away.

Benni didn’t answer. He’d put his plate on the cart but his fingers were still curled around the edges and his eyes were unfocused.

“Hey, Ben. Let’s go.” Mats felt like snapping his fingers in front of Benni’s face would be a bit rude, so he tugged on his elbow instead.

“Oh, sorry. Was just thinking about things,” Benni said as they headed out together.

“Mhm,” Mats replied, not really listening either. He was occupied with his phone, trying to find a nice place to take Benni for a date. Central Park and Times Square were options. If they were able to book tickets, they could see New York City from the observatory deck of the Empire State Building. There was also the Madame Tussaud’s, although Benni had already visited the one in D.C. so it might be boring for him. There were so many options that Mats wasn’t sure what to do.

He looked up from his phone, debated asking Benni if he’d want to go to the observatory deck, then decided he’d surprise Benni by taking him there this evening.

“So where are we going?” Benni inquired, scratching his arm as he looked around.

“Wherever you want. We can go shopping, go to Central Park, visit a museum...it’s up to you, Ben.”

Benni’s face positively lit up and Mats wasn’t sure whether it was because of the freedom he’d been granted or the little nickname he’d taken up. Mats grinned innocently, shrugged and added, “Your choice.”

 

* * *

 

They wound up going to Central Park, and Benni was fairly surprised by how big it was despite having heard about it before. When Benni asked Mats why there weren’t cars, Mats looked it up on his phone and learned that cars were only allowed during certain days and hours. In fact, the majority of the time when Benni asked a question, Mats didn’t know the answer either and needed to do some research.

“I’ve only been here once before, and I was like, nine,” Mats explained as soon as Benni pointed this out. “I don’t know every single little detail about every city in the entire country, silly. Do you know everything about Germany?”

“True.”

Benni had been kicking a stone along as they walked, and eventually Mats joined in on the game after which a friendly competition started to see who could kick it the farthest in a straight line. Following several minutes of this, Mats accidentally kicked the stone to the other side of the road and neither of them felt like getting it again, so they abandoned the game and went to sit on a bench at one of the playgrounds.

“Are you liking it so far?” Mats asked tentatively as he placed his hand on Benni’s leg, the question more of an effort to establish the gesture than an actual question. “Sorry if you’re bored.”

“I’m not bored,” Benni replied plainly, squirming slightly beneath the touch. God, what an effect it had on him. “Do you have any more snacks?”

Mats rolled his eyes but took his backpack off and unzipped it. He produced a package of Parmesan Goldfish and tossed them to Benni. “Here. I’m out of food now so I guess we’ll have to go out to eat soon.”

“Thank you,” Benni said sheepishly, leaning into Mats in a very un-Benni-ish fashion.

 

* * *

 

For lunch, they stopped at a New York style pizza place. The pizza was sold by the slice and the slices were quite large, so each of them picked two to share. They sat at stools at a wooden bar once they were handed the four paper plates, each with a slice of pizza on it.

Benni wasn’t used to eating pizza in this way. The way he did it was with a fork and a knife, cutting it into smaller pieces which he’d then pick up with his hands. He tried to fold the pizza in half to make it easier on himself, but smearing red sauce all over the side of his hand was the only thing he accomplished.

“Oops.”

Mats set his own pizza down and turned his head, laughing when he saw the mess on Benni’s hand. “What have you done, Benedikt?”

Benni just grimaced, burning sheepishly under Mats’ laughter.

“Here, I’ll fix it for you,” Mats chuckled, lifting Benni’s hand to his mouth and licking it off in a rather over exaggerated fashion. Benni’s eyes opened as wide as they would go, practically bulging out of his head. He tried not to giggle, but it’s hard not to giggle when someone’s tongue is tickling you.

When the sauce was gone, Mats blew a kiss onto Benni’s hand then batted him away. For a moment, they simply fixed each other with a shared look, both holding back dumb grins. The spot on Benni’s hand tingled and he couldn’t resist imagining those juicy, inviting lips in another place.

 

* * *

 

Dusk was arriving along with a bit of a breezy chill, but nothing that could burn out the fire in either of the boys. In fact, Benni was glad. All this almost-maybe-flirting with Mats was causing his body to heat up like a pan on a stove. He had a feeling that Mats felt the same way.

Mats, too, was feeling slightly nervous. He knew that now was the right time to take Benni up to the 86th floor of the Empire State building to show him the skyline, now that it was getting darker and all the lights and billboards and signs would tinge the sky with a magic unlike anything that can be seen during the day. Tickets were $32 each, but Mats knew it would be worth it. Plus, they hadn’t spent much money today. Benni hadn’t wanted anything fancy for dinner and he had already made some souvenir purchases in DC, so they had only gone into stores to look around at all the weird things New York had to offer, everything from chocolate chip cookies bigger than your face and lollipops with bugs inside of them.

It would take about 45 minutes to get to the deck from the point that they cleared security and went through the two exhibits on the way, so Benni would have a pretty good idea of what was going on well before they reached the top. Mats wondered whether it would be better to tell him or to simply take him there. He hoped Benni would be excited. He wanted this to be special. It would probably be one of their last moments together.

“Now, I’m going to take you somewhere, Ben, but I’m not going to tell you where we’re going. I want it to be a surprise,” Mats said.

“Hm, I wonder where could it be?” Benni replied, humoring him.

“You’ll see. I hope you’re not afraid of heights,” Mats added with a wink.

Benni’s heart sunk a few inches. He didn’t do heights well. He got dizzy whenever he looked down. But he didn’t want to disappoint Mats, who was obviously proud of himself for his idea, so he put on his best face and tried to get excited. It couldn’t be too bad. After all, Mats would be there with him and Mats wouldn’t put him in danger.

 

* * *

 

Throughout the entire ascent, Benni’s palms sweated and his heart was doing slight palpitations, more so because he didn’t want Mats to find out about his phobia than from actual nerves. Fortunately for Benni, Mats didn’t seem to notice until it was finally time to go out onto the deck. That’s when Benni’s feet became frozen on the spot, his body not letting him go any further.

Mats blinked with confusion and, was it chagrin? “Benedikt? Don’t you want to come see the view?”

Benni balled his hands up and released them again. He had to get over this stupid, irrational fear. He clenched his eyes shut, not wanting to see this disappointment on Mats’ face. He’d clearly brought Benni up here thinking they could share a special moment and that Benni would love it.

“Hey,” Mats said mildly. “What's bothering you?”

Benni shook his head. He felt Mats next to him, then he felt Mats’ fingers gently smoothing back the hair from his forehead.

“You’re clammy.”

Benni nodded and swallowed thickly.

“Why didn’t you tell me you didn't like heights? I wouldn’t have made you come all the way up here.”

Benni opened his eyes. Mats was right in front of him, concern knitted into his expression.

“I don’t know…”

Mats sighed and played with the straps of his backpack. “Do you want to go back down?”

“No. Take me out there,” Benni said, a little more forcefully than he had intended.

Mats raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

“Yes,” Benni said before his throat could close up with fear. He would never overcome the guilt of having to go all the way back down without seeing the New York skyline at night.

“Don’t be anxious,” Mats, taking his hand and coaxing him out. “You're okay. Do you want some candy?”

“You’re bribing me with candy? Am I a little kid? I thought you didn’t have any more snacks,” Benni responded, trying to humor both himself and Mats. He felt light, almost like his head was floating away from his body. He tried to focus on breathing, and the feel of Mats’ fingers between his own helped with that, the steady pulse in his wrist pressed against Benni’s.

“Well, I have a few red Starbursts that I was, uh, saving for myself but you can have them, if you want. Just tell me if you don’t feel good, okay?”

“Yes,” Benni said absently. He was more focused on the view before him.

They were out on the deck now. Of course, it was enclosed, mitigating Benni’s fears significantly but not completely. And before them, New York City shone on for longer than Benni’s eyesight could take in, the river shimmering beneath it all. Benni peeked through the bars, fascinated, looking only beyond and not down.

He was so far from home, from the bed that he’d be sleeping in again tomorrow.

Mats’ hands were on Benni’s shoulders, protectively. Both boys were shivering slightly with the wind and were grateful for the heat of each other’s bodies.

“You alright?”

“I love it.”

“Don’t look down.”

“I’m not.”

Benni, still refusing to look anywhere other than straight ahead, dug through his pocket and pulled out his phone. He focused the lens of the camera in between two bars so the enclosure wouldn’t show up in the picture, which didn’t turn out too great. So he wiggled out of Mats’ hands, spun him around and held out the phone in front of them to take a selfie. The flash went off then Benni pulled the phone in for the both of them to inspect the photo. It turned out better than the other one; their arms were slung around each other, Mats’ fingers making a sign over Benni’s shoulder and their heads dangerously close. And of course, there were the twinkling lights in the background.

Benni put his phone back after that. After a few seconds, Mats tucked Benni under his arm once more and nuzzled into his neck. Benni felt so much affection for Mats in that moment that he wasn’t quite sure how to respond, so he just listened to the sounds and felt Mats’ body shifting in the most subtle way possible as he breathed.

“You know, I’m really going to miss you, Benedikt,” Mats told him matter-of-factly.

“Me too,” Benni said simply, resting his head lightly on top of Mats. He squinted for a second, allowing the view to slide out of focus before drawing it in again. “You have to come visit me in Germany.”

“I’ll try to,” promised Mats.

Benni let the smell of Mats’ sweet, sweet hair overtake him until it was time to go.

 

* * *

 

Benni wasn’t sure if it was the long day, or the thrill of New York City, or the fact that it was his last night in America or if he just really, really, liked Mats. But when they returned to the hostel that night after finishing off Mats’ secret stash of red Starbursts on the Subway, Benni had no desire to let go of the other boy. As soon as they were in, he sat down on his bed and dragged Mats along next to him.

Mats seemed a little surprised. “You’re acting funny, you need to sleep, Ben,” he said cautiously while Benni balled a fistful of Mats’ t-shirt.

“Mats, no, we need to talk. Please,” he begged.

“We can talk in the morning. You’re exhausted, you have a long day tomorrow and I’m a bit worried about you staying up any longer…”

“Mats!” Benni pulled at his own hair in frustration. He didn’t know what he wanted, but he wanted _something_ and it was driving him crazy.

“Stop that.” Mats pulled Benni’s hands away from his hair before he could do any real damage.

“I’m just so...I don’t know what the word is.” Benni screwed his face up in pure annoyance, his legs shaking uncontrollably.

“Aggravated.”

“Yes,” Benni said, relieved. Mats understood.

“Okay,” Mats said softly. “We can talk, but you need to relax okay, you look like you’re about to take off.” He rubbed the back of Benni’s hands in a calming manner, removed Benni’s watch so he would be more comfortable and nudged his knee against Benni’s. “What’s aggravating you?”

Benni took in a deep breath through his nose and licked his lips, small creases appearing between his eyebrows. “You.”

Mats had been afraid of this conversation happening all along. He didn’t want to accept that this boy who was so easy to crush on would be leaving in about twelve hours partly because, well, it was so much easier to _not_ believe it. How would Benni have been in his life every day for the past two weeks and then just disappear and have life carry on like he was never there? It didn’t line up in Mats’ head. How could he think about missing him when he was right here?

Mats smiled a sad smile. Benni was now fumbling with the buttons on his wrists and pushing his sleeves up, his tongue poking around inside his mouth and making his red cheeks jut out. Mats caught Benni’s eyes darting back and forth between himself and the buttons. Mats had never noticed how pronounced Benni’s freckles were, or maybe the sun had simply brought them out. Whatever the reason, each of Benni’s eyes was surrounded by a collection of small freckles, which spilled over onto his nose before fading away.

Meanwhile, Benni was chewing his bottom lip, and Mats recognized the look on his face as the one he made when he was deep in thought..

“Why am I aggravating you Benedikt?”

Benni shrugged.

Mats sighed. “Do you want me to go first?”

“No,” Benni said. “Just give me a moment.”

“Alright.”

Benni took his time. He picked at his fingers, deciding whether to look at Mats or his hands as the anticipation built up.

“I thought you were good-looking when I met you but you are a nice person too, Mats. You made each day like a dream,” Benni said bashfully, looking as though he had rehearsed the words over and over in his head and was relieved to finally let them go.

Benni covered his cheeks with his hands and made a noise that Mats couldn’t distinguish between a groan, a laugh or a sob. Really, all he wanted to do was kiss Mats. He didn’t care about this useless conversation when he could feel Mats against him instead, when they could have the conversation through actions instead of words.

“You know, I thought you were cute from the first time I saw you. You’re the sweetest boy I’ve ever met,” Mats admitted, speaking each word with care.

Benni flushed heavily underneath his palms.

Mats shuffled in a little closer to him and tugged Benni’s hands away, hesitantly, afraid of the emotions he’d find behind them. Benni’s eyes were blazing. He took one look at Mats, at his short, messy hair and pouting lips, and he didn’t think twice before leaning in.

It was slow and tentative at first; Benni bumped Mats’ nose lightly, encouraging him to tilt his head and their lips grazed. Benni didn’t start kissing him until he felt Mats’ lips upturned into a slight smile, and then he couldn’t stop. He grabbed the neckline of Mats’ shirt, pulling at it roughly while Mats’ hands found his waist, digging his nails so hard into the skin that he would surely have marks there tomorrow morning

Benni pulled away for a breath, his lips raw and tingling and tender, then smashed right back against Mats’ welcoming mouth. He was forcing his tongue past Mats’ teeth now, humming lowly. That’s when Mats backed away and Benni whined at first, but Mats simply undid the top buttons of his dress shirt and pushed him down onto the bed, his pants already halfway down his ass.

Mats lay down on top of him and reattached their lips while Benni wrapped Mats warmly in his arms.

Finally, Mats rolled unsteadily off of Benni and tried to catch his breath.

“Wow,” he panted.

Benni was hot and woozy, the heat spreading to the tips of his ears and turning them pink. He stared up at the ceiling, his chest moving up and down rhythmically. He felt strangely calm, his heartbeat was unhurried.

“I really wanted to do that,” Benni said, closing his eyes to enjoy the wonderful after feeling.

“Mhm.”

A while happened, then Benni sat up slowly and swung his legs over. “I’m going to get ready for bed.”

“Come back here when you’re finished,” Mats said.

“Okay.”

Benni walked into the bathroom, debating on whether to pull his pants up or down as he crossed the room. He needed to change into something more comfortable for sleeping anyway. He let them drop to the floor, put on some boxers then peeled his shirt off. Next, he went into the bathroom to wash his face. He knew it was mildly gross to not brush his teeth, but he felt as if by doing that he’d be ridding himself of the magic Mats had left behind. His mouth felt the same way it did after he had tried sour Skittles. Sour on the outside until he sucked it all off, then it was sweet and fruity.

Benni returned to the bed to find Mats on his side with his eyes closed and lips parted. He crawled in next to his host brother, and Mats sleepily tucked him under his arm.

“Goodnight, beautiful,” Mats mumbled.

“Gute Nacht,” Benni whispered, feeling heavier and heavier. He pressed a long, slow kiss to Mats’ pulse point. He was dozing before either of them could take things any further.


	7. Auf Wiederseh'n

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benni boards his plane back to Germany.

**SATURDAY**

 

Benni woke up the next morning to the sound of his phone alarm underneath the pillow and his eyes glued shut with sleep crumbs. He rubbed them out and sat up slowly, pushing Mats’ sticky figure off of him. His head pounded; he definitely could’ve used with a little more sleep, but he needed to wake up early to repack. There was no way he would’ve tried to do it last night.

Benni climbed out of bed and got dressed and freshened up in the bathroom. Then he began to repack. He put everything in his suitcase except for his sweatshirt, which he rolled up and put in his carry-on bag, and the gift bag he was saving for Mats.

Mats started waking up just as Benni was finishing and opening the curtains. His hair was a floppy disaster and there was a dazed, satisfied look on his face.

“Come on, wake up, I have something for you,” Benni bribed him, shaking his limp form. Mats just moaned.

“Yes,” Benni said. “Come on, I’m leaving today. And I need help to close my suitcase.”

 

* * *

 

Both boys were showered and packed. Benni looked around the room one final time to be sure neither of them had left behind any chargers or nicknacks, then he let the heavy door drop closed with a resounding click.

The hallway was empty. This was probably the last moment they would have together with just the two of them before they headed off to the airport. Mats and the American adults would be catching a bus back to D.C. after seeing off the Germans.

Benni swung the gift bag very obviously by his side. “I want to give something to you,” he gushed.

“You didn’t have to,” Mats said sincerely.

“It’s not much,” Benni assured him. He handed the bag over to his host brother, who reached into it and pulled out a photo in a plain white frame of the two of them from the baseball game. A smile spread all the way across his face.

“Aw, Benedikt…come here.” Mats took a step forward and hugged the other boy tenderly.

“There’s a card, too,” Benni said quickly, shuffling from foot to foot with excitement, returning the gesture impatiently. “But you can read it later.”

Mats nodded, understanding that Benni probably wanted him to read it in private. “I will. Thank you so much.” He pecked Benni’s cheek with a kiss.

Benni smiled crookedly. He wasn’t quite sure why he was feeling so jittery. There was certainly no awkwardness lingering from last night; rather, the experience seemed to have relaxed both boys significantly and they felt more comfortable around each other than ever. Perhaps it was the idea that he’d be home so soon that was making him feel this way. Still, he felt mixed up about it because going home would mean leaving behind the boy he’d grown so close to.

Mats, meanwhile, still couldn’t believe the idea that Benni would be gone, miles and miles up in the sky above the ocean, in just a couple hours. He was simply happy to be with Benni right now.

They held hands and looked at each other happily as they waited for the elevator. Mats swung their arms gingerly back and forth, giving Benni’s hand a squeeze every so often.

 

* * *

 

The Germans were about to go through security and the Americans could tag along no longer. The only thing that was holding them up was a skinny boy with mousy brown hair, who seemed to be having great difficulty sorting himself out.

“Can you hold this for a moment?” he asked frantically as he held out his passport for Mats. Mats took it, intrigued by the German accent. He’d grown so used to Benni’s that he didn’t even notice it anymore.

Mats couldn’t help but open the boy’s passport. Thomas was his name. Thomas arranged all his various bags between his hands while Mats compared the deep red of the German passport to the boring navy tone of his own.

“Thank you,” Thomas said as he took it back, adding a quick goodbye before he rushed after everyone else to catch up. The only person who hadn’t gone through yet was Benni.

“Well,” Mats began. He felt funny. “It was really nice having you here.”

“It was nice,” Benni agreed. He propped his suitcase up and opened his arms. Mats walked into them and hugged him tightly. For a fleeting moment, he realized that this was the first time he and the German boy had exchanged a real hug. Neither of them moved and inch, just leaned against each other for support.

“Benni! Komm!” a strict voice called.

Benni quickly leapt out of Mats’ arms. “Ich komme!” he called back.

“Bye, Mats. We’ll see each other again,” Benni said, smiling as if he had no care in the world.

“Bye,” Mats said, trying to return the smile.

Benni rushed off then, turning back every so often. He waved once. Mats waved back. Then he slipped out of sight.

“Ready?” one of the chaperones asked Mats after a moment. Mats nodded, afraid his voice would crack if he said anything.

He turned around and followed them, swallowing over and over again and willing his eyes to dry. His vision was blurred and there was that scarcely present but recognizable lump in his throat. The tears were bittersweet because there was a strange sense of elation in Mats’ chest too. How could he not be happy knowing that Benni was a real thing that had happened in his life? When a moment ago he was holding the other boy in his arms as he tried not to cry in front of him?

It was different for Benni. For Benni, everything here was new, not just Mats. It was all jumbled together. But for Mats, all that was new was Benni so Benni was all he had to focus on. When _he_ went home, something would be missing, something that had become part of his routine to make sure Benni was comfortable and having a good time. But when Benni went home, everything would be the same. It was likely that Benni was eager for the familiar again and that was why he wasn’t too reluctant to hop on the plane and leave. Not to mention the fact that he had a nine hour flight ahead of him.

Mats wiped his eyes dry. He didn’t care if he cried in front of Benni anymore. He wanted Benni to comfort him and tell him it was okay, just like he’d done with Benni when Benni had had a bad day. But Benni was gone, and that was the whole reason he was breaking down right now. It was a mean kind of irony. The only person Mats wanted to console him over Benedikt Höwedes’ departure was Benedikt Höwedes.

Mats didn’t let himself cry for real until he got home five hours later. He collapsed onto his bed, face first, after having brushed off his parents questions about New York, and cried his eyes out until he ran out of tears and was dry sobbing.

His mom pushed open the door to his bedroom after an unknown period of time. “Do you want some dinner, honey?” she asked, pretending she had no idea how subdued her son was because that would embarrass him.

“No, thank you,” he replied, his voice muffled into his sheets.

 

* * *

 

Mats finally roused himself and went into the bathroom. His eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks were stained. He peeked into the guest room before he went downstairs; the bed was stripped, looking as if it hadn’t been slept in and there was something folded at the end of it. A t-shirt. Mats let it fall open and examined the soft material. It had a low cut neckline and thick, light green horizontal stripes. Not Mats’ style at all. Definitely European. Benni had forgotten one of his shirts. It had probably still been in the laundry while he was packing.

Mats suddenly remembered that he still had the letter to read. Tossing the shirt back on the bed, he returned to his bedroom where he’d dumped the gift bag onto his desk and dug out the letter, sitting down on his bed to read it. Benni’s handwriting was thin, careful, and neat.

 

> _Dear Mats,_
> 
> _I’m writing this to say thank you for hosting me these two weeks. But I don’t want to only say thank you for that, because I am luckier than that. You didn’t only open your home to me, you also opened your heart. We became such wonderful friends and I know we will be friends for a very long time. I guess I have to say that we were more than friends, too. I didn’t know that this exchange would be a matchmaker… ;) I can’t imagine to stay with anyone else. You were perfect, your family was perfect and it was a beautiful time. I will remember it forever as my first trip to America. I’m so glad I decided to come. Thank you for showing me your city and thank you for being a friend to me. I can’t say how much it is worth to me. I hope we will see each other again and please come to Germany and visit me. You are always welcome. I will miss you a lot, but with happiness when I think of the time I had here in America. Danke schön!_
> 
> _With love,  
>  Benni_

 

* * *

 

Mats folded up the letter and put it in his drawer. Then he set the photo up on top of his dresser, where it could be seen but he wouldn’t be staring at it all the time. Benni’s shirt was also folded up on top of his dresser so he could mail it back along with a pack of Starbursts since Benni had liked them so much. Maybe. If he didn’t end up wearing it himself in the case that he ‘ran out of shirts’.

Mats counted his lucky stars for having Benni as their guest. They could’ve had a kid whose parents forced them to go on the trip and wasn’t enthusiastic in the least. They could’ve had someone with bad manners and weird habits. Or they could’ve had someone that Mats simply didn’t get along with. Instead, they got Benni, who was easy to like and really just a pleasure to have around, not to mention Mats’ dream boy as well. He was really, really lucky for that. It was almost cruel how it had only been for a short two weeks and Mats wondered if he would be happier had he had a different exchange partner.

He decided to go down for dinner then. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast this morning at the hostel.

At dinner, his parents were extra nice to him and even proposed that they all go to Safeway and pick up some new Ben & Jerry’s. Mats accepted, but only because he actually wanted ice cream, not because he was still melancholy about having one less person in the house. It wouldn’t have helped much anyway, seeing as the last time he had ice cream was with Benni and it would only make him long to turn back time just a few days, a few hours even.

He wished he could go back to the beginning of these two weeks and relive it all. He wished he had been more prepared. He didn’t know what to expect from a German boy, but he certainly hadn’t been expecting the sweetest, most handsome boy he’d ever seen to show up at the airport, shy and tired and confused and excited for the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we've reached the end of this!
> 
> (I did write an epilogue which I might post later, but I'll have to decide).
> 
> Thank you so much for all your thoughtful comments on this story, it's always a joy to open up my inbox and see a comment.
> 
> Parts of this were frustrating to write but I'm so happy it's done and I really hope it was worth it. Thanks again to Bia for helping me edit and giving me pointers.
> 
> Until the next fic!♡

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write this fic for a while but have never been quite satisfied with how it turned out. I'm so excited to be finally be writing it and I hope you will enjoy it too!
> 
> ♥Gina


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